Agrapha

[Arage Bao]

ABOVE RAKATA PRIME​

STATION FORLONG​

​

An older man would have taken his time.

A more experienced one would have taken some rest.

Someone wise would have given up at this point and called it quits.

But Gideon was young, foolhardy and every time his eyes closed all that the Jedi could see was the bloody face of Draya. [member="Liya"] and him weren't friends, lovers, they hardly knew each other, but both of them shared one thing that transcended everything else. The bloody history that brought them together and made sure that they started traveling together.

No sleep, barely enough food and water, the fighter pushed to its limit.

At first the Jedi Knight assumed she had fled. It was anger that had driven him first, but he always had a knack for investigating and eventually he figured out what happened. It took some questioning (and the showing of his lightsaber as a threat... another line crossed for a pursuit he did not completely understand), before the picture began to be solidified. A young woman, blonde hair, tattooed and pierced, but with an innocent look over her knocked over the head.

Stolen away into the shadows and no one that cared enough to say or do anything about it. It had taken all his mental strength not to pull out the 'saber there and then.

To cut them down for their... everything.

After that he continued his research and Gideon believed he was getting closer now. They had moved through Station Forlong, before the trail ended, but even though he was at his last reserves? He knew he was close. He could practically taste it. Once more the Jedi returned to the hangars.

Back to his ship for now, figure out the next angle for his search.

 

[Rory Naasade]

They had returned her to where she had been taken. Apparently it was part of the agreement, though no deal had been struck with her or the other contestants. She knew that not everyone taken had survived, but by the time they had pulled her out, separated her from the man she had undergone the ordeal with, Liya was shell shocked and exhausted. In truth, mostly grateful to simply be one of the ones who had lived.

They dropped her at the spaceport. A credit chit with a not ungenerous payment for her 'services'... as though there were a price they could put on the nightmare experiences. As though there were a price they could put on the dead.

Some of them at her hands.

They had treated her wounds and set her free.

But.... now what?

She moved, more automatic than with a plan, through the spaceport. Limping a little, the cut above her eye stitched but raw, she didn't know what to do. Where to go. She had been brought back to where they had taken her, but for what? She had no family here, no friends. No one to return *to*. And Gideon?

He was probably long gone by now.

She paused, leaning heavily on a row of lockers and debating, not for the first time, if she were safe enough yet to cry.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

He was so in thought that Gideon first missed her.

Then a blink.

And suddenly it seemed as if everything just... fell into place. As Gideon approached, cautiously and not quite believing, he noticed another person - male, rough, scarred - wander up to her. But before the man could say something, the Jedi slipped open the cover of his robe and revealed the lightsaber attached to the belt. Enough to give pause, enough for the thug to find himself a different direction to walk in.

"L-Liya?" He tried as only a meter or three separated them. "Are you real?" It was a silly question, but Gideon was tired all of a sudden. The only thing that kept him going was the realization that they weren't safe yet.

Wouldn't be safe, until they were... elsewhere.

She looked different and yet was the same. But it were her eyes that tipped him off, above all the other scars and bruises and pain, those eyes. There was pain there that Gideon hadn't witnessed before her disappearance. Something during her disappeared had scarred her. Maybe not entirely, maybe not broken her, but she was less innocent now than before.

Why did that make him angry?

 

[Rory Naasade]

The emotions when she saw him were complicated. Surprise. Relief. Anxiety. Guilt. An open book as always, each one flickered across her face in that order, all of it tinged with the implications of memories of Maena.

"You.... stayed."

She didn't move from her spot against the wall, the stunned expression on his face giving her nothing of comfort, no sign of what was going on in his depths. Which Gideon was this that she was seeing? Night or day? There wasn't happiness, relief, or anger on his features, just the shock. And not knowing increased the churning in her gut as she watching him approach.

"I'm sorry," she said, the words coming out in a rush. "You must think I left, that I ran- I didn't but I'm sorry Gideon. I couldn't stop them, couldn't stop it, I couldn't..... I...."

Sith.

Murderer.

"I tried," she whispered, throat tight. It has been her life or theirs, those people in the hospital. There was not one life she had taken that wasn't necessary to fight, to stay alive. But that changed nothing. She had killed. Again. The guilt was familiar, a thick, choking feeling in the back of her throat, a weight in her chest that made it hard to breath.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

Sorry?

Gideon blinked and brows furrowed in confusion. "Don't apologize-" The tension in her shoulders, brows and mouth, his hand brushed her shoulder and rested softly. The flinch couldn't be missed and the Jedi almost removed his hand, but she didn't move away. Him? The experience? Both? This was hard and instincts were conflicting to him in a thousand little ways.

"I was angry first," Fingers curled tight and pulled her closer. "But some people saw what happened, once they told me I understood."

There was shame there too.

Immediately assuming the worst- understandable, but... feth.

None of this made any sense. She was Sith, murderer, but every single action she took, every single glance and the presence in the Force told him a different story and he could not understand it.

"I did not stop looking for you." Why not? Justice? He had already left that by the wayside, when he had decided to follow the path of Draya. Responsibility? That couldn't be the only thing here at stake. There had to be more. "I got a room nearby, it's too open here, yeah?" If allowed Gideon would pull Liya with him. Every move he made was one to shield her with his body.

From view.

But also from physical harm.

Instinct was schutta sometimes.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She'd flinched when he'd reached out to her, but didn't move away. The flinch was reflexive, a response to everything- not just Maena but everything that had happened in the last few weeks. She flinched because she half expected his hand to react in anger.

She stayed because she thought she deserved it.

Now, more than ever. It had been one thing, when she couldn't remember the killing, only having the amorphous guilt ever shifting through her, settling the pattern that spoke of who she had been, even if she didn't remember. She had accepted the crimes he'd leveled at her, the evidence of them overwhelming. She had accepted his judgement, would accept the judgement of the Alliance, when they reached it. But now?

Now she knew what it was like to take a life.

So when he drew her in to embrace her, she was stiff and still against him. Not understanding entirely. Not even because she expected him to be angry specifically.

But because she didn't deserve his kindness and did deserve anger.

She tried to say something, but he overrode, keeping her close to him as he led her through the spaceport. Everything was a blur around the edges, except the line of his body, the weight of his arm around her shoulder.

They reached the room without mishap. Once inside, Gideon turned, focused on locking everything properly as she paused in the middle of the room. Her throat was tight- they'd had so little before this, the cost of the room.... he'd stayed. Looking for her. She remembered the credit chit in her pocket. Just the thought of showing it to him, even if it was to tell him to keep it, made bile rise up in her throat.

They had replaced her clothing, after. It had been, they explained, the least they could do since hers was certainly no longer fit to be worn. Looking down at the cloth, she balled her hands into fists.
"Is there a shower I can use?" her voice was small, unsure.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

He collapsed in the chair after their place was secure.

Something went out inside of him.

The pressure and tension of these weeks mixed with the intense search pushing him to his limits in the last few days just breaking now that Liya was here again. "Huh, a shower?" He blinked and then his head tilted down again from the soft caress of the chair. "Yeah. Yeah, there, door next to you." It was a relatively small room- bed, a kitchen sink in one corner, tv, door to the bathroom on the opposite side.

About it.

A blink again.

"Wait-" It was the healer in him... when was the last time he had used his strength for true good? Pure? When it was just him, a patient and the healing, wounds closing and everything being okay. "Wounded? Hurt? Need any help?"

He looked her up and down.

Trying to ascertain if there was any need to help her, be that here or in the shower. Gideon just had her back. He wasn't about to let her break her neck in the shower, because he had overlooked a wound or two.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She turned, starting to head toward it- but as his 'wait' she froze, hand halfway to the knob.

Liya didn't look up, didn't look back at him. But for a moment, it was hard to breath.

"Yes.... I mean.... no. I was. But. They..... they took care of them."

Still no clarity on who 'they' were. Honestly, Liya herself didn't really know. The whole thing was deeply confusing and she was still sorting it all out.

She wasn't lying. Not really. While everything still hurt, they had taken care of her. Bandaged her wounds, assessed her ankle (twisted, nothing more serious). They had even apologized for hitting her over the head- necessity, she understood, yes? She had nodded, still dazed, because what else could she do? They were letting her go, and in that moment, that had been enough.

She didn't look back at him before heading into the 'fresher and closing the door behind her.

Leaning heavily against it, that was when she looked down. At her hands- at the soft bandages that wrapped from her wrists up beneath the sleeves of the shirt. Moving two steps over to the sink, she started unwrapping them, slowly. The long, deep scratches beneath them stung, but they had long since stopped bleeding. They didn't require care, or attention.

But the clear marks of defensive wounds, inflicted against her, were something she didn't want him to see.

Liya didn't look up into the mirror, instead turning away hard, her throat tight and eyes blurred with tears. Finishing undressing, she turned on the water, stepping beneath it.

She stayed there for a long time.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

He didn't respond and let her go.

It was good enough for him, her word and that surprised him. When did her word become not something to doubt and question, but to trust? Were it those painful days on the hunt, not staying long enough in one place over and over again, until they arrived in this very moment?

No.

Better not to think about it too much. Better to just... leave it for now, because every single thing that he knew was being questioned. Not pleasant, that feeling. Eventually Gideon sighed and pushed himself off the couch.

Rising up and wandering over to the kitchen corner.

It didn't take long before some eggs were being made with meat and some veggies left over. The acquisition of the food hadn't been the problem. But the consumption when all that was driving him in the moment was the search?

Another story entirely.

Once she got out, there would be a plate waiting for her at the kitchen corner. "You need food. You can sit on the bed." Hand gesturing opposite of him.

 

[Rory Naasade]

The luke-warm water ran out long before she was ready to step out from beneath it. Her skin was cold to the touch by the time she finally did, drying off gingerly. The scratches on her arms, the cut over her eye weren't the only wounds, though the rest were shallow, abrasions or bruises, nothing that required attention beyond gentleness.

Rummaging around beneath the sink, she moved from overwhelmed exhaustion into a low grade panic.

There was no first aid kit here. No way to rebind her wounds. The adhesive, once removed would no longer do it's job. The very idea of putting used bandages back on them made her recoil- risks of infection beyond simple knowledge and into a visceral, gut response- but the idea of showing these in particular to Gideon made her nauseous.

Two words echoed in her head again and she closed her eyes. Sitting on the floor in front of the basin, she leaned her forehead gently against the edge of the sink.

Eventually she got back up, pulling on the shirt and tugging the sleeves all the way down. The rub of the fabric chafed, but they weren't bleeding so perhaps it would do. At least until they got back to the ship where she knew there was a kit with everything she needed to tend to these herself.

She stepped out of the 'fresher, closing the door silently behind her. His voice called out, and she paused, not moving right away. As if, by sheer force of will, she could simply melt away into the floor and simply.... not exist.

Liya knew, intrinsically, that wasn't what she wanted. When faced with the choice between life and death, she'd chosen without hesitation life. B

But right this instant? If she could choose not to face him and the inevitable disappointment, she would.

Tugging at the cuffs of her sleeves, she nodded. The room was small and it was only a few steps from the 'fresher to the kitchen corner, and then only another trio to the edge of the bed. She settled carefully, balancing the plate on her knees. She wasn't really hungry, but she started to eat, motions more mechanical than from any real need.

There was no way to eat *and* keep the scratches completely hidden. Though she tried.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

It didn't take long for him to realize something was wrong.

The way she ate, it was... awkward, not at all natural. Stiff. It only took a moment more, before he saw the gash as the sleeve pulled up a touch during one of her gestures. Brows set furrowed in concern. But Gideon wasn't entirely sure how to broach the subject. Why would she not simply tell him? Shame? Fear? Did it maybe hurt and she didn't want to receive treatment? It would be painful for him to heal her after all. In the end the Jedi Knight realized her motives didn't matter.

Just the result he saw right now.

Which were wounds that were left untreated. "You are wounded, Liya." Gideon said finally, breaking the silence and rising up, slowly sitting down next to her. "Show me, please." It would become almost immediately clear that this wasn't something that he'd allow argument over.

There was a touch of disappointment coloring his tone as well. Because she did not tell him immediately, but that wasn't immediately clear.

Palms up her arms rested on them and he studied them.

"Tell me what happened."

 

[Rory Naasade]

"I said I was," she responded, a touch defensively. "It's fine. They took care of them."

But she held out her arms to him, hesitant, the lines of tension clear on her face, neck, all the way down her shoulders. The scratches tracked down her forearms on both sides, starting around her elbows and ending at her wrists. They weren't bleeding, but they were deep. Long red gouges, running through tattooed flesh, angry and ragged.

"I was protecting myself," she whispered, but something in that wavered.

The patient had come out of nowhere. Rotting teeth, nails sharpened one stroke at a time against the metal frame of his bed, over and over again until they had been brought to points, the only weapon they couldn't take away from him. Wearing nothing but the hospital gown, he had slammed into her side, knocking her down to the floor. Oran was trapped on the other side of the door and Liya scrambled, trying to get get out that madman's grip, but he would not relent. She punched, kicked, but somehow his hands found their way to her hair, slamming her head into the tiled floor. Stars exploded in her vision and she barely knew what happened then- in a moment only, somehow, or else the actions were simply lost in the haze of pain and dizziness, she had overpowered him. It hadn't been hard- he was stick thin and weak, driven only by whatever demons urged him on. Her hands were around his throat and she slammed him down- choking, beating his head against the floor as he'd tried to do to her. His nails raked down her arms as he fought back, but Liya was stronger.

She hadn't wanted to kill him. Just to make him stop.

But he hadn't stopped. Not once until the back half of his head was a bloody, caved in mess, and Liya was still over him, shaking, staring.

The door had opened, as if by magic (she knew now that it was those in charge of the 'show', they had been certain to tell her just how much they had enjoyed that 'scene'), and Oran had pulled her off.

The details now, however, seemed unimportant.

"He wanted to kill me," she said, her voice almost too soft to hear. "Instead I killed him. And not just him."

There was no missing the shame.

"I promised I wouldn't.... not anymore. I guess I can't really change.... what.... what I am."

Sith.

Murderer.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

He listened patiently.

Fingers were curled around her arms and holding them there softly.

It surprised him, kept surprising him just how much... morality was inside of her. This was the crux of his frustration - she was Sith or had been anyway. Slaughtered his family, friends, mentor, all of them together with her allies. it should have been easy to hate her, but instead his anger had little if any output. All there was was a girl lost in the Galaxy just as him.

In pain.

Hurting.

And now she had been through something that Gideon couldn't understand, not really anyway. "You think I have not killed? Taken lives?" The Jedi Knight asked softly as his finger tip brushed her wound. It hurt, but where his touch began the Force extended its strength through him. The gash began to knit itself together. Slowly, it would be painful for both of them.

But it meant true healing.

"Only Sith deal in absolutes, Liya. To kill is evil, not to kill is good- life is never as simple as that." Repeating Draya's words, word for word. Years ago Gideon didn't understand them. But now? After everything? He started to... get exactly what his Master had meant with them. "I believe you." The calm addition came a moment later as the finger finished its trace and the first of the gashes healed itself.

"They attempted to take your life and you defended yourself. Some... people are beyond saving, Liya."

 

[Rory Naasade]

Her wrists turned in his grip, her hands closing around his forearms.

But it wasn't aggression or anger he'd see in her face when he looked up.

It was grief.

"I promised, Gideon," she said, her voice breaking.

She didn't say it, but she didn't think it was the same. She had made a promise, one that she'd intended to keep. Until death had looked down on her and instead she had fought back. It hadn't been a decision, a deliberate choice. It had been instinct. In that moment, her promises hadn't mattered, not even a little. She had lashed out, not with any sort of control but just out of fear. Fear of dying.

Her grip loosened, and she dropped her head. Pale hair hung in her face and suddenly her shoulders shook. Once. Twice.

"I promised," she whispered.

Something wet hit his hand. She closed her eyes tight, willing away the tears, only just barely keeping them contained.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

It was not long before the weight of his arm settled itself on her shoulder and pulled her closer against him.

They sat there, in silence, for some time. Before his voice finally settled in the void and filled the space between them once more. "There comes a time when we are presented with a choice, Liya." His tone was patient, understanding and calm. But... there was pain behind. "The choice between being a victim and... being someone who can help those victims." Already Gideon could feel something rise inside her- the defiant desire to object and Gideon understood.

Because part of him agreed with that objection.

It weren't his words, after all. Draya. Word for word, spoken to him during his first year as a Jedi and his first time ending someone's life in self-defense.

"No, let me finish." He sighed, tired, feeling older than he ought to. Why was this weight on him? Guiding a murderer... a killer to the path of the light. Just to find that Liya might be a better lightsider than him. And why, because she had hit her head and couldn't remember anything from her past? Her presence in the Force scorched clean from ignorance and the corruption gone? It did not work that way. It should have been hard, she should have been defiant.

Unwilling.

But why was this so much harder then?

"You did something terrible." This was fact. Beyond dispute. There was no sense in talking it down or pushing it away. "You want to fix that, taking it away impossible, but somehow make up for it." Liya had said as much during their travels together.

Head tilted.

"You were handed a clean slate. Why? I do not know. But you do not have the burden of your memories. Your presence in the Force is uncorrupted, clean from the Darkside." Gideon would know. The first weeks of his travel with her the Jedi Knight had been studying her intently. Waiting for her to slip up, but it had never come. "You can do better than you did. You can help people and together we can leave this... Galaxy of ours in a place better than it was when we found it."

A shrug now and his arm retreated.

"Or you can choose death- a quick struggle and then freedom of this weight around your shoulders."

He rose and left her with that, moving towards the refresher himself. "Choice is yours, always has been." With that Gideon left her and let the door slide shut behind him. He turned on the water... and then found himself slipping against the wall, settling down in the nook. His eyes closed.

Make this easier, Draya, please.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She didn't move from where she was sitting. Not until the door closed behind him. She had been starting to cry, but his words, his admonishments had made her force it back. Did she have a right to that freedom? That catharsis?

Your presence in the Force is uncorrupted, clean from the Darkside.

How was that possible.

It didn't make sense. None of it did.

She had woken up, bleeding, in pain, looking up at the stricken face of Gideon. He had seen her strike them down.... laughing as she did. Another Sith had clearly known her. Called her lover. There was no doubt of who and what she had been, there couldn't be. Uncorrupted? Clean of the Darkside? The narratives didn't mesh. There were pieces, great jagged edges looming out into empty space that she simply couldn't see, couldn't understand.

But in that moment, here and now, it was all too much. One too many confusions to let any single one take center stage in a way she could parse and sort.

Slowly, Liya sank against the bed. She curled up on her side, back to the door he'd disappeared though, taking up as small of a slice of the space as she could.

She wanted to cry.

But nothing would come.

She heard the door open behind her, but she didn't move. Stayed quiet, eyes open but unseeing, body curled in on itself. It wasn't until she felt his weight on the other side of the bed and his hand- gentle- on her shoulder, that she closed her eyes, breath shaking as she let it out in a long, low whoosh she hadn't known she'd been holding.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

[member="Liya"]

The next morning came too soon and yet not soon enough.

Every part of his body still hurt, but that didn't surprise Gideon too much. You could only push it for too long before the crash would come and put you down. Even the Force was a weak substitute to proper sleep, food and other necessities. He swung his legs over the bed and groaned softly, leaning his head against the palms of his hands and sighing.

There would be not much more comfort in the days to come.

They'd have to move, further and more, too long in one place? This place? That wouldn't be good. "Liy-" He had turned around and noticed she was studying his back, no longer asleep either. "Oh. Morning, thought you'd be sleeping still."

It would have been the logical consequence after what she had been through. But no. Already the young woman under his... charge was awake. "How are you feeling?" It was strange how some of that tension had snapped during the night. Or maybe not strange at all. There was still... pain, a ragged wound that was only a breath away from inflammation.

But some of it had gone out.

Catharsis.

The tears had come easy that night.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She'd been awake, simply lying with eyes closed, when he had started to stir. She hadn't yet parsed everything about last night, and while it was certainly not accurate to say that some peace had been found after everything, there was a small sense that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance everything would be alright, in the long run.

Still, he puzzled her, so when he looked back that was what he found. That small, thoughtful frown, brow furrowed slightly- as if looking long and close enough would offer some epiphany into whatever was going on behind those grey eyes.

"I've been awake for awhile," she admitted.

She felt hollow, but then, that wasn't a new feeling. Now it was just a little different. The wracked sobs, unfiltered and offered with no capacity for holding anything back, had allowed both of them to let go of certain parts of the experiences. Tears were a powerful tool, but all of it had left her curiously light, as if she would just float away, but without the feeling of happiness she thought ought to go with this unbearable vacancy.

Nothing was wrong. But nothing was right either.

She wondered if she'd recognize how that felt if it ever finally happened.

"I'm fine," she answered, pushing up off of the bed. She wasn't lying. Simply that fine seemed to encompass that sense of nothing wrong but nothing right in the only way words really allowed her in that moment. She didn't have what she needed to explain it to him, not yet.

But maybe, now, there was a chance.

There was part of her that felt like she had woken up next to a stranger. There was also part that simply saw him a little more clearly now. She didn't know which was the truth, but she wasn't sure how much that mattered.

There wasn't much to do, to get ready to leave. It was an unspoken assumption between them that needed no confirmation- of course they were leaving this place. So little that had to be gathered, another trip through the 'fresher for both of them because it was there and who knew when the next time they would have that luxury would be. Breakfast, the last of the consumable food stuffs. Most of it done in silence, but without the same strangeness of times past. Strange, yes, but no longer as fraught.

Liya still felt lost in all of it, and she didn't know how to change that.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]

 

[Arage Bao]

Odd.

Weird. Strange. Occupied and heavy.

It wasn't awkward anymore, but there was still a taste of... Gideon couldn't place it. No matter how much his mind rotated around it while eating his food. Every once in a while he'd sneak a look over at [member="Liya"] in front of him and every once in a while he'd catch her with a glance of her own. More often than not those quick glances were replace with a quick look elsewhere.

There was too much here.

Too much to discuss, to talk about, to get through and that late night talk with the two of them hadn't redeemed anything. It had simply granted a measure of acceptance and... an opportunity of growth, where before?

There had been nothing.

Gideon had, tentatively, accepted that there was more to the Galaxy than Dark and Light. But. Not easily. "I have had some trouble at the spaceport." Gideon finally said as he packed in his robes in the pack and settled down on the seat again. Watching her try to shove some of the clothing in another bag. "Words have solved it until now, but I want you to be careful."

He could not focus on both of them, if this turned into a 'situation'.

 

[Rory Naasade]

She chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully but nodded. Apparently 'careful' wasn't something she was particularly good at.... which wasn't really a fair assessment, but there it was anyway.

They had made a peace of sorts last night. It was a chance to move forward, instead of just going in circles over and over, painfully each time and ultimately gaining nothing but more pain. Part of her still believed she deserved it, deserved it all. But she had agreed to his terms, whatever they were, so how could she argue, even if she thought that his choice was not nearly enough to make up for what she had done? Instead of going to the alliance, a trial, to return to his enclave and help him give his.... his family as nearly as it could matter.... a proper burial. For him, it was a way to stop running. But for her....

In the depth of her heart, she knew he was making a mistake. But she had meant it when she turned the power over justice to him. So where did that leave her, when she had made that agreement but didn't think he was punishing her enough?

Liya didn't know.

They finished packing, heading out and through the streets into the cool morning air. She stayed close to him, half a step behind. She had been gaining a certain confidence before... but it seemed as though the incident had shattered what had already been a fragile thing, and she mostly kept her head down, just wanting to be on the ship and out of here.

[member="Gideon Blackford"]