A Piece of Quiet Between Stone and Sea

[Kuzo]

M A E N A

"Set me down."

"Here? Are you certain?"

Irajah nodded, her gaze distant. They didn't speak much usually, and it was only with a moment's hesitation that he complied with her request.

Her chair couldn't reach the beach, so one of the Crownsguard had carried her to one of the smooth stones that overlooked the water. Like an enormous piece of sea glass, the obsidian's sharp edges had been worn down by the waves, smooth and milky. Some of the black sands had swirled back into the crater left not far from that spot, but she could still see the raw, naked volcanic stone beneath. Cracked and jagged, she remembered the feeling of it beneath her bare feet.....

With an effort, she wrenched her thoughts away. Slowly, she maneuvered, wincing as she needed to manually move her left leg- what was left of it. Her jaw was set, lips in a thin line, as the cybernetic right hand took the brunt of that job. As comfortable as she could possibly be, she pulled her right leg up, wrapping her arms around it and setting her chin on her knee.

Though she stared out over the dark sea, she wasn't really seeing it. She had hoped that coming here, back to this place would be good for her. But it took all of her self control to simply sit there and not tremble. Irajah clenched her teeth, eyes narrowing as she watched the waves break.

Dark clouds, under lit with red cast by the setting sun reflected off of the water scuttled across the grey sky. The sea was rough, the sound of it filling her head. But unlike in the past, it couldn't push other things out. It simply added, weighing down and pushing in, everything jumbling and squeezed tight beside it.

Each minute she stayed there, despite wanting to retreat back to Panatha...... each minute was a victory. She just didn't know yet what it would cost her.

[member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

After everything that had happened with [member="Matsu Xiangu"], it was a grand understatement to say Jacob desired some fresh air. Even if it had been some weeks since that day.

So Jacob found himself back at the beach, walking barefoot along its southern length. This place was where everything had changed for him. Where he had at his lowest point; desperate to fix himself, had just unleashed it all. Oblivious to the consequences of his actions. For one thing, he had caused harm to several people. From the slight cuts on Irajah, to the piece of driftwood that lodged itself in Matsu’ abdomen.

His mind did wander to the woman; [member="Aria Vale"], who had also been harmed. Albeit it was a result of her own actions. Although Jacob realised he had very much been a catalyst to it, and to an extent Irajah did too. But he figured the doctor would mark herself as the bigger catalyst of the two.

Which was true, to an extent. She had mentioned Maena, found a location and brought him to it. But she hadn’t done the deed itself, he had.

It had been Jacob who had been clueless, unaware of what was going to happen. He hadn’t listened to the voices, they had been cryptic, but it was something beyond their control.

His mind became occupied with what ifs and potentialities. What if he had been alone, if Irajah hadn’t intercepted Prazutis. Or if Matsu hadn’t been there.

It all led to a single conclusion; he would’ve been dead.

Yet here he was, alive and breathing. But the Jacob that first arrived on Maena, and the one now were not the same. Like with Irajah before, he owed Matsu a debt but the difference was that hew knew he’d never be able to adequately repay the Sith Mentalist.

Eventually Jacob made his way back towards the crater, and it was only then that he noticed he wasn’t entirely alone. He was a fair distance away, but he could just make out two large, armored men escorting a third person in a chair. As one picked the person up, carrying them onwards, Jacob subtly reached out with the Force to identify the person.

When he realised it was [member="Irajah Ven"], he gave pause. Jacob was immediately beset with a reminder of the emotions he could feel swirling within her during that fateful day on the beach. But here and now, it felt like a maelstrom, and more so he could feel something was off. Wrong.

He waited for the two men to move away; though he suspected they weren’t too far away, then made his way towards her. He placed his boots back on, making sure to brush down each foot beforehand. Jacob walked a bit inland so his approach was from behind the doctor.

There was no effort to mask the sounds of his boots against the ground, Jacob assumed she’d just think it was one of her escorts. He stopped, stood just behind her right flank, and held his arms behind his back.

“It’s still quite a sight isn’t it Irajah? Despite what’s happened.”

There was an oddness to his voice, it hadn’t really changed yet there was something different in the way he spoke. When she looked at him, she’d see someone that for the most part looked like the old Jacob; same eyes, same untamed hair. But it was obvious that something was different, like a weight had been lifted only to be replaced with something else. The way he held himself, and the thoughtful expression he wore were new.

 

[Kuzo]

The only reason the Crownsguard allowed [member="Jacob Crawford"] to approach at all was because he was on an incredibly short list of individuals Irajah and [member="Darth Prazutis"] had given them as 'safe'. Jacob had almost not made that list at all- after what had happened here weeks ago, Braxus had objected. It was only after confirmation by [member="Matsu Xiangu"], that Jacob was no threat to the doctor that he had relented.

If he hadn't, Irajah wouldn't have argued further. After all.... it was obvious that her judgement couldn't be trusted in matters like this. All she had to do what look at the crater to know how true that was.

When she heard the boot falls, she didn't turn around, just kept staring out at the waters.

"I'm not ready to leave yet?" she said quietly, almost asking permission rather than the statement it ought to have been.

“It’s still quite a sight isn’t it Irajah? Despite what’s happened.”

Despite knowing that someone was there, the sound of Jacob's unanticipated voice caused her to startle. Her head whipped around, looking up at him. Absently, she reached up, brushing at the thick bangs she'd cut to cover her forehead.

Where Jacob looked more comfortable in his own body, Irajah felt like a stranger in hers. Usually self assured and in control, the dark haired woman looked smaller, her shoulders curled in and uncomfortable. Instead of open and smiling, her face was closed off, the smile she offered up to him hollow and defensive, rather than genuine. Even as she reached over, twitching the blanket over her lap nervously, there was no hiding her left leg.

"It's still beautiful," she murmured, looking down and then back out at the water. Her fingers plucked absently at the blanket, a nervous tick in hands that had before been calm and firm in their motions and work.

They were both changed.

"Maena seems to be agreeing with you," she said- she'd heard his intake of breath, and her words came out in a rush, trying to fill the void before he could say anything else. "I'm glad. Matsu is.... something else. Amazing, really. I should have let her know we were coming, maybe..... anyway, it all worked out despite that, right? It's good when something does-"

​She was talking just to fill the quiet with anything other than what the look on his face was saying.

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Before he had spoken, Jacob gazed over towards where her guards had gone, the fact they hadn't made a move to stop him meant that he was at least allowed to be near her. Although I'm going to assume they've would've outright intercepted me way before if I wasn't.

He certainly didn't recognise them, nor had he ever seen one at all during his time here. It occured to him then that they must have come along with Irajah all the way from another planet to guard her. It would've meant little if they had been Maena guards, but they weren't. That meant something, that whoever's care Irajah was in, was taking no half measures in watching over her. Jacob made a mental note to research some more, he had been a sponge for knowledge since his mind had been fixed.

Sensing the sudden spike of emotion from [member="Irajah Ven"], Jacob returned his attention, watching with the slightest of smiles as he saw her reaction. Despite all the changes, she still had some of the old Irajah in her. But how long will that remain?

He did quirk the mental equivalent of a raised eyebrow as he watched Irajah move her hair. Was it a force of habit? A nervous twitch? No he had seen it, within the motion her suddenly whipping her head around; he saw the telltale start of a scar there. She's hiding it, going so far to cut her hair to do so.

It amused him, as he pondered on what Irajah's logic was to even bother. There was little point to cover a scar, when you have missing and replaced limbs for everyone to see. Then a thought struck him. Maybe it's because it's the one thing she can hide.

The smile faded and whatever emotion he held in his expression washed away. He watched her unabashedly with an analytic eye, taking in all her movements, how she acted, how she held herself. It was clear to Jacob that she wasn't fully there, the traumatic after effects were still lingering within.

They had both been changed, but it seemed only Jacob had accepted his.

Jacob opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted when she began rambling. An exasperated expression creeped across his face for a moment before it dissappeared, looking away from her and towards the water.

"Indeed, Lady Xiangu has been wonderful. I owe her a great debt for what she has done for me." There was no hiding the admiration that was laced in his tone.

Then a silence fell over them until Jacob's eyes landed on Irajah again.

"I won't ask how you are, or ask what has happened as I feel it would be redundant at this point." His voice was quiet, but was still layered with a sharp tongue and dull tone. "That and I assume you would not wish to speak of it."

Jacob dissapproved, that much was clear. To him it was best to be open about it, and much like emotions; not let it get bottled up. That and he presumed by now she had heard those exact questions from others around her already.

He sighed, then surprisingly began to hum something, almost like the start of a tune. But he abruptly stopped, and decided to sit down opting to do so with his legs crossed.

Jacob's gaze returned to the ocean before them.

"If there is one thing I have learned over these weeks Irajah. Is that when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change." He paused as he listened to the calm movements of the ocean.

"This place was mine."

 

[Kuzo]

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Md7a3qGfvI[/media]

"Matsu's something special," she murmured in soft agreement, but she was otherwise silent as he spoke.

She didn't look at him, her eyes cast over the water, fingers picking absently at the blanket. She closed her eyes once, when his words grew sharp, but otherwise reacted little to what he was saying. Mostly because it was like a stranger was talking to her in [member="Jacob Crawford"]'s voice.

There was plenty of room on the stone, but despite that, when he sat she shifted very slightly away.

In part, it was reflexive. She barely realized she had done it. It wasn't normal- Raj was a woman of casual contact- a hand on someone's arm, standing close to speak quietly and warmly. But now her body shied away, the physical pain still too recent and raw.

In part though, it was because the man talking to her was utterly alien to the memories Raj had of her friend.

But then, she thought, what do I know? What do I know about anyone, who they really are?

Time and time again. She was being slapped in the face by just how poorly she could trust her own judgement.

This shouldn't have surprised her, taken with that veneer painting over it.

And yet....

Had he ever been friend? Or had that merely been an assumption, and an unfair one, on her part? After all, he had needed help. He hadn't been a friend. He'd been a patient. That much, in that moment was clear to her. How could she had assumed anything else?

Maw, I'm such an idiot.

And his words turned, once more, to him. As her attention in his life had been since they had met. She hadn't seen it clearly before. But that was because before, she had thought that she was helping a friend.

"I'm glad that coming to Maena worked out for you," she said finally, her tone tight, but sincere, if a little distant. Despite all of the self-doubt that had been so ruthlessly manipulated into her psyche, she meant that.

"Despite the way it started, you seem to have.... come into your own. I'm pleased for you."

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Jacob remained silent, his eyes glued to the scene before him and seemingly lost in his own little world.

In reality, he was observing; listening to the emotions that were both swirling within and around [member="Irajah Ven"]. Force Empathy was its name; as Jacob had learned shortly after his mind had been healed.

Doubt. That was the main one he could feel dwelling in her, sinking to the deepest depths and grasping a hold with an iron grip. But as Jacob probed ever so slightly, he realised it wasn't just doubt.

It was Self-Doubt.

Something he realised, he had felt lingering in the Doctor ever since he knew her, back on Dosuun; on her ship, on Dxun even. Back when he was oblivious to what exactly it was, believing it was simply his fragmented mind on the fritz. Now it seemed all too clear, it was something that had stuck with Irajah; something he guessed had been part of her for the longest of times.

But there was something off, the emotion felt stronger. It pulsed and reacted stronger than he remembered it being before. The trauma. It's extrapolated her most damning emotion to the forefront. Or perhaps, it's formed in such a state that even the smallest idea of doubt will begin to multiply in intensity; spreading like a disease.

Then it dawned on him, and that while he had no doubt there was tremendous strength within her; the drive to overcome her obstacles, he had a feeling if there hadn't been someone there for her, then she may very well have just folded in on herself and never taken her first steps to overcoming what happened to her.

Her 'carer', whose ever orders the two guards followed. They're the one trying to help Irajah build herself back up. Now he definitely needed to research their origin, it was a mystery he wanted to uncover.

But right now, his attention was on the woman sitting beside him. He knew the latest bout of self-doubt was because of him; because he wasn't what she expected. If it had been the old Jacob sitting with her, he would've felt that telltale sign of his heart sinking at the thought of it.

Even the current one, he felt it. But he was quick to smother it.

No. She's a chain to that shell I succeeded, I already severed one. This is simply another.

However, it did not mean he couldn't forge another to replace it.

He shifted slightly, intentionally brushing against Irajah to get her attention, incase her mind had also wandered.

"I am sorry Irajah. But the Jacob you helped off Dxun is dead." His words were sincere, despite it still carrying the same harshness as before. "Hell, I don't think you ever met the actual old Jacob. He died in the Netherworld. The one you met, helped heal; looked after in her own home. He was a shell, one whose mind was fragmented; gradually breaking down because of what that place had done to him."

As he got near to the end of his sentence, Jacob began taking off the black gloves that were concealing his hands. He made a specific effort to remove his left one first.

"So, why not start from scratch hm?" With his gloves removed, Jacob reached out with his right hand for Irajah to shake. "I'm Jacob Crawford." He offered her a smile, it was small, but a genuine one nonetheless. Even if it seemed rather foreign amongst the cold exterior that was the new Jacob.

At least this introduction didn't involve her getting Force blasted into a door.

Thing is though, his right hand wasn't there.

Well it was, but not flesh and blood. Instead it was a cybernatic one, an obvious basic model that was intended as a placeholder.

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah flinched when he touched her. It was reflexive, small, but impossible to miss. She hadn't been expecting the sudden move into her space like that, and too much had happened- in the past, she would have bumped his shoulder right back. Instead she pulled her arms in more tightly against her.

She didn't look at him when he spoke. Not right away.

"You don't owe me anything Jacob," she said quietly. "I meant it when I said that, on Dxun. If my expectations don't match up to who and what you actually are.... that's my problem. Not yours."

There it was again. One more nail. Just one more way she couldn't trust herself. She didn't see it as a failing on his part- on anyone else's part. But the list of people she felt she could actually count on what shrinking with an alarming rapidity, leaving her stranded on an ever crumbling island.

When he offered a new start, she did turn her eyes to him then. But where the old Irajah would have smiled, laughed and welcomed without hesitation, there was a tightness at the edges of her mouth- a certain wariness now.

Not of him specifically.

But in her ability to judge just who and what he was.

When her eyes cast down to his offered hand though, they darted back up to his face immediately. She hesitated, for a heartbeat, then two. For a moment, it looked like she wouldn't respond.

The last time someone had offered a handshake..... [member="Vrak Nashar"] had broken every one of her fingers, one by one. And that visual, the sheer visceral memory of that roiling through her gut was enough to almost make her draw away entirely.

"I'm Irajah," she said quietly, reaching out with her own right hand, hesitating half way across before shaking his. Cybernetics to cybernetic.

After all. If it wasn't hers, nothing could hurt it.

Not 'Doctor Ven', just Irajah.

No matter how much she'd changed, of the two of them, the next moment drilled home that somewhere, at least, the woman he'd met on Dxun was still in there somewhere.

"What happened?"

[member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Her latest flinch confirmed something in Jacob's mind. She didn't just wake up to find herself missing a leg, an arm and some fingers. There was physical abuse, and she was conscious through it all.

The analytic part of his mind then pondered if she had lost the limbs during that period of time, or whether they had been removed because of whatever damage had been done. No, its definitely the latter. If it had been the other...her current state would be so much more worse.

Then there was the emotional part of his mind, the one that ignited that spark of anger. He wanted to find the person who had done this to her, to someone as kind as [member="Irajah Ven"]. And get reven-

No, that's the type of human stupidity that will get you killed.

It was the rational part that won over, smothering the emotion before the spark could become an inferno. He had no idea who had done this to her, the prior abuse that is. As he looked at Irajah; remembered who she had been, Jacob failed to see any trace of a fighter in her, at least not the type with combat training. Anyone could've probably done it, and yet as Jacob's eyes flickered to her forehead; where she hid the scar beneath her hair, he felt something dark.

He was wrong. Whoever had caused Irajah's trauma was something else entirely. Why do I feel the urge to shiver?

Pushing all of that aside in his mind, Jacob returned to watching and listening to Irajah, carefully picking up on the words she was using, her hesitation.

Jacob offered her a smile when she finally shook his hand, it didn't hold that same type of warmth the old Jacob had. Further cementing the fact it was the new Jacob that was making a fresh start with her.

He did seemingly ignore her question for what happened, he just looked at her. And didn't let go of his grip on her cybernatic hand, knowing well he'd have her attention. A soft, yet serious expression fell across his face.

"You're a good person Irajah. The type who would come to someone's help after receiving a vague message, travel to a planet full of creatures likely to eat you. And even continue to help them after they outright attack you. Yes, it hadn't exactly been in control of my actions. But you could have just as easily turned your back and left. And yes, you doing that is very illogical, very much a moment of bad judgement." He paused for breath, his gaze never wavering from Irajah's.

"It was a bad call, up here." With his free hand he pointed to his head. "Not here." He pointed to his heart. "You're a strong person Irajah, even if you don't feel like it right now. You cannot allow yourself to just simple collapse into yourself. And I know, easier said than done. But here's the thing Irajah." Again he paused, ensuring he had the woman's attention.

"I believe you can do it."

It was no lie; no deceit in his voice. Even though his face bore a serious expression, it wasn't his mind doing the talking at this point. And it was a statement, that even though he likely wouldn't physically be there for her. He did believe in her.

Much like myself, I have to believe I can better myself from what I once was.

He gently let go of her hand, and a silence fell over them for a short while until he spoke up again.

"Back to the matter at hand." He raised his metal hand again and wiggled its fingers. An attempted joke, even with the deadpan tone he spoke with.

"This is a...reminder of a mistake I made not that long ago." He let out a heavy breath, almost a sigh as he pulled back his sleeve revealing the cybernetics went all the way up to about an inch or two from his elbow. "I hunted down my father, and I underestimated him."