A Briefing on the Past and a Lesson for the Future

[Mereel Vaun]

Orenda, Jedi Temple​

Shortly After Sunset​

​

As Mereel landed the old, beaten up starfighter on one of the landing pads on the edge of the Orenda Temple grounds, he realized just how much he wasn't looking forward to this. He forced himself to get out of his fighter and began his walk to the Temple's main courtyard.

He hadn't seen his Master since the Remnant's foray onto Aduba III weeks ago, and a lot had happened to him since then. He had contacted his Master asking her to meet him at Orenda's temple as soon as he was able to after leaving Glacies Domum.

Of course, there was a chance that she might have already known part of what he wanted to talk about, but he wasn't even sure if she had noticed his new arm during their trip to Aduba III. He didn't want to bet on it.

Osik, I forgot to bring Tucker's ridiculous cape, she'll see the kriffing arm if she hasn't already.. When it rains.

As if provoked by the old saying, rain drops began pattering down on his blue armor as he entered the courtyard.

He sat down on a stair on the south edge of courtyard. The rain was still light, so he paid it no mind as he watched faint slivers of moonlight shine through gaps in the rain clouds above.

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

The Temple on Orenda was special to Lilla – given its purpose. Its beauty was merely an added bonus, and shortly after sunset was a particularly special time to view it.

Lilla was walking to the landing pads nearby. Mereel was due, according to the communication she’d just received. He’d broken the atmosphere and was headed down.

The rain did not dampen her enthusiasm. Given she’d lived on an arid, sun-baked planet almost her entire life – she actually welcomed the light drizzle that was falling.

And yes, she remained enthusiastic. She knew what was to come – the conversation Mereel no doubt didn’t want to have. Not that she was ecstatic about it herself. But it was necessary – and would allow him to progress, to move on. That factor alone was cause for optimism. It was, in Lilla’s experience, too easy to see the glass half-full – the pitfalls and the problems.

But with only a little determination, every scenario could have a positive outcome – so why not make that effort?

She’d reached the courtyard when she saw him…sitting there, in his blue armour. She smiled and as she drew closer, she bowed – as was her way. “Greetings Mereel,” she began. “Doesn’t the moon look wonderful?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Despite the unpleasant circumstances of their meeting, he couldn't help the small grin from forming on the side of his face as he sensed Lilla approach.

Mereel knew little of his Master's past, but he knew that she always seemed to be smiling no matter what the circumstances were around her. It was probably what he admired most about the young woman.

"It does, shame the rain clouds are blocking it."

He took off his helmet and let the cool rain drops land on his disheveled hair. He wanted to be as open as he could with her - even if she could sense his emotions, the helmet added a level of separation between the two of them that he had every intention of avoiding.

His eyes remained fixated on the beams of light that occasionally breached through the heavens as he pondered how to open up the dialogue.

"Do you have family out there somewhere?"

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla's smile widened, her eyes fixed on the position she knew the moon to be. She rarely wasted words, and anyone who knew her understood she was entirely attentive at what they said (and as importantly didn't say) and her own use of words was never an accident.

"No, no family. At least not that I'm aware of. I could be an only child and orphan or the nineteenth sibling in a family of thirty. I'll never know."

Her eyes remained gazing at the sky.

"So, tell me, does the fact the moon is not visible make it any less beautiful?" It was clear from her tone, she was going to go somewhere with this. "Or is it fair to say that true beauty can be masked? And if I carry on that analogy - is what's inside more important than what's on the outside? Because, anyone who has never seen this moon won't appreciate how wonderful it is - hidden behind the clouds."

She turned to face Mereel now. "Much as anyone who didn't know me - my potential family for instance - would only have my reputation to judge me by. Which leads me to a question, which is more important?"

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel stopped craning his neck and let his head fall back out of the clouds.

Although he had excommunicated himself from his own family for the last fourteen years, he still found Lilla's answer to his question incredibly tragic. He doubted she had even been adopted by anyone, surely she would have mentioned it if she had? Maybe he would ask her more about it some other time when his own feelings on the issue weren't so charged.

"So, tell me, does the fact the moon is not visible make it any less beautiful? Or is it fair to say that true beauty can be masked? And if I carry on that analogy - is what's inside more important than what's on the outside? Because, anyone who has never seen this moon won't appreciate how wonderful it is - hidden behind the clouds."

He could tell by the cadence of her voice that she was no longer talking about the moon, and he felt the focus of her gaze transition to center on him. His eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch in surprise and his grin subsided as he turned to look back at her.

"Much as anyone who didn't know me - my potential family for instance - would only have my reputation to judge me by. Which leads me to a question, which is more important?"

For several seconds, only the sounds of light rainfall followed her questions.

"Of course, even if we can't see it doesn't make it any less of what it is, or change what it looks like. You don't see the interior of the moon though, you might get a sense of what's in there but you don't get the whole picture."

He was almost positive that she knew about the bounty, but he had to know for certain that she knew about it, as well as some other things, before he left tonight. His eyes shifted, and he began to stare down at his boots resting in the courtyard soil muddied by rain.

He would play with the analogy just a tad longer, and if things didn't play out like he expected, he would have to be blunt sooner or later anyway. "I think the interior is the more important of the two, but I can tell you what's past the surface, and most of it doesn't shine with inner beauty."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla was not a vastly experienced Jedi – but she’d been taught by enough of them. One thing they had in common, was to know when to stop talking. Once such a question was posed, the recipient of the query gained little by the asker continuing to talk.

So, however uncomfortable the silence, Lilla knew to allow it to hang there – awaiting Mereel’s response.

He spoke at length and she knew the following conversation would potentially be the most important they’d ever have. She would pick her words carefully – not to in any way pull punches, or soften messages – because there was something hanging over Mereel, and he needed to resolve it, once and for all, if he were to truly become the Jedi he was capable of being.

“What is inside is important – of course. It is who we are, after all. But there is a very good reason the Code contains a tenet about honouring the Order.”

She glanced back up at the clouds. “You can tell me how wonderful the moon is, and I might believe you – but unless I see it for myself, I will always be unsure. And if someone else tells me how bad the moon is, who do I believe? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it both? Is it somewhere in-between?”

Her eyes returned to Mereel. “Reputation can be earned in a heart-beat and last a lifetime. And if it gets in the way of doing your job – almost regardless of what’s truly inside – it must be addressed.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel let out a sigh. The wordplay was over, it was time to open the floodgates. He had exposed a small darkness within himself on Ilum, this time he would prevent no important detail from coming to light.

He tilted his head to meet Lilla eye to eye, "That's half of the nature of my visit. You might not want to continue teaching me after what I tell you. I'll understand that choice perfectly if you make it."

The rain began coming down more steadily, and a gust of wind blew through his wet, matted down hair. Mereel's voice grew distant as he thought back years into the past, "I know my lineage. My dad is the leader of a Mandalorian clan, but until about a week ago I hadn't seen him in well over a decade."

"He raised me, but he turned our clan into a crime syndicate - had me killing spice dealers that acted up by my sixteenth birthday. So I stole his favorite starfighter and ran away. That was enough for a while, but just up and leaving the place never sat well with me. Not doing anything to fix my home.."


Mereel broke eye contact to look back down at his boots. He had learned that his Mandalorian armor was a sham, just like himself.

"Since I was twenty, everything that I started to do, I did in preparation to face him again.

Everything, Lilla.

A short career in bounty hunting? Blaster training and experience in single combat. Joining up with Death Watch? Practice in fighting other Mandalorians. Becoming a Padawan for a week on Coruscant? . . ."


He let his head sink, and buried the top of his forehead behind his cold left hand, "Not even a month before I met you, I executed an unconscious man - just to find out how many people guarded my father's estate to see if I could go it alone. I realized I couldn't do it by myself.. at least not with the training I had at the time, but I had the holocron. I just needed someone to show me how to open it.."

He had finally done it, he had finally revealed his demons.

He didn't feel like a great weight had been lifted from off of his shoulders, instead he felt hollow. Admitting the motives of his actions confirmed what he knew for some time now: he was no better than the Dark Jedi he so often ended up fighting. They both sought to increase their own power, and they both had their own goals and self loyalties. The only difference he could think of between them and himself were the powers they ended up using during their battles

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla did not play games. Not intentionally. But some things required a preamble to have full effect – especially if it allowed the other person to broach the subject in their own time. Jedi teachers were often frustrating for Padawans – but, Lilla realised now – for good reason. Telling achieved little. Providing the right questions and stimulus to debate were far more valuable in the learning process.

Lilla nodded at Mereel’s opening statement. It would be glib to offer to train regardless – and in a sense demean any true value in continuing the Master-Padawan relationship if it were unconditional. Everyone had to consider consequences. And the Order were no different. Mereel would share what he needed to and Lilla, for her part, had to be able to look the Council in their collective eye and explain her decision – one way or another.

The rain was falling more heavily – but Lilla ignored it. It was transient – but what Mereel had to say was not.

As she listened, she compared and contrasted her own upbringing to his. Not that there was a right or a wrong to either – it merely allowed her to better understand his motivations and decisions.

Once he had paused for long enough to suggest he was expecting her to speak, she did so.

“I have always said that the past is the past. Not inconsequential – for at very least it makes us who we are today. But not so impactful it determines who we will become. I have two thoughts on the matter and I would like to hear your thoughts on both.”

“Firstly, the future. What do you aspire to now? Not yesterday, or a week ago, or a month ago. Now, this very minute? What are your intentions? You know what life as a Jedi means – and how that contrasts to what you have just said. And I will not judge you for your preference. You must do what you must do. But not every choice will sit with being a Jedi – you know that.”

“My second thought is about your past. Your reflection on past deeds. I cannot and will not absolve you – because that is not my role. One day you may have to face consequences for those actions. And such outcomes take many forms. But to stand by you and to support you through any future repercussions will require me to be in a position to truly understand where your mind and heart are at.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

She had made her thoughts on the past very well known to him during their trip to Ilum, but a remnant of himself in the back of his mind was still genuinely surprised that she hadn't told him to up and leave following his admission.

He knew what he wanted to do, what he wanted to be, perfectly well. Unfortunately, as was often the case, his desires were divided, and he wasn't sure that he could do what he needed to do while becoming what he wanted to be at the same time.

Mereel slowed his breathing and emptied his thoughts. The feeling of cool night wind and the sound of heavy rain faded from his senses, replaced by the sound of owls hooting, nearby firepits crackling, and ewok villager chants. He had known what he had wanted to be then, and it hadn't had anything to do with seeking vengeance or glory. The temporary loss of senses induced by memory only lasted for a fraction of a second, but it was ample enough reminder that he now had the capability to become what he had wanted to be all those years ago while captive on Endor.

Mereel slowly lifted his head back up to meet Lilla's eyes, wiping and blinking rainwater away from his own as he did so, "Above all else? I want to stay here to focus on learning the ways of the Jedi. I want to be able to protect those who can't protect themselves, whether it be from Sith, criminals, or even wildlife. I want to get away from the starcharts for a while, get cozy in a temple and just learn - figure out how to deal with my own baggage and the force."

His voice went flat, matter of fact as he spoke, "And I didn't come expecting absolution, but what I told you on Ilum wasn't enough."

His voice eased up, if but ever slightly, "As far as repercussions go, it's mostly my own demon to face; most members of the galaxy at large have either forgiven or forgotten my criminal dealings and about the former iterations of Death Watch, and bounty hunters settled my father's issue with me a week ago."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla listened, patiently. Every being in the galaxy had a story – and Jedi were no different. And few – if any – had no stains on their character, however faint the taint. But they did not, in Lilla’s opinion, define you. And they certainly had limited bearing on your future – assuming you wanted to change, which it sounded as though Mereel did.

Yes, some that interacted with you could not look past your history – but if anyone could, it was the Jedi.

“Reflection is rarely a bad thing, if it leads to a more positive future – and meditation is a sure-fire way of understanding your areas for concern and finding a way to overcome them. And your ideals are honourable. Even if you did not wish to protect the weak and innocent, you could serve the Jedi well here.”

“But I suspect your future path takes you further than these four walls. And so we shall ensure you are the best Jedi you can be before you need to face the challenges ahead.”

“And it is a good thing you do not seek absolution – for I cannot give it. Not just for you but for anyone. It is something you must find for yourself – make your peace with the Force and once there is truth between your heart and it, you will find serenity. We have a Code for a reason. Follow it and its tenets and you will not go wrong.”

“I appreciate your honesty and as far as I am concerned, the subject is closed – unless you ever wish to raise it. Now, to the matter in hand – training. How should we start?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel grabbed his helmet before slipping it on over his head. The main issue of their discussion was now behind them, and he felt like he had no reason to not slip back behind the comfort of the helmet, and besides, he was tired of constantly wiping the rain out of his eyes.

Still, all of his issues hadn't been resolved yet.

"I would love to start with the more basic abilities like absorption or healing, since I never really had much in the way of formal teaching. But I'm afraid that I'm going to have to leave these four walls sooner rather than later.."

Mereel sighed, "I said that I wanted to stay here, but there's something pressing that I can't put off or ignore. I said earlier that my father sent bounty hunters after me, they brought me back home, where my dad told me he had another kid."

"My sister went missing during a trip to Mandalore, and never came back home. Apparently dad thinks I'm the only one who can kriffing find her for some reason."

"While I've never seen her before in my life, and I certainly don't owe Detrik any favors, I can't just sit here and do nothing. I have to go looking for her."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla felt that progress was being made – but was also acutely aware that progress did not automatically mean a conclusion.

She listened to Mereel’s requests. “If, by absorption, you mean Tutaminis – that I can teach you. I can absorb and utilise energy now. As far as Healing, I am more of a field medic in ability – I can stabilise and rejuvenate, but not necessarily perform complex techniques.”

And then she listened to his next disclosure.

“Finding someone lost is a noble thing – especially if they are vulnerable. It is, in so many ways, a Jedi thing to do. Why you need to exercise caution is because of your potential emotional attachment. Remember, a Jedi makes decisions with the head, not the heart. I am not for one moment saying you should not seek her out, but in time, you may be focused enough to decide if you would be the best person to do the looking. Maybe someone neutral might be a better searcher.”

She smiled. “But as I say, you should do this – if nothing else, it is a good lesson in the application of the Code. Where to draw the line, when to put attachments to one side and how to clear your mind of emotions.”

“So, when do you go?”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

A speckle of good spirit returned to Mereel upon hearing that she was okay with him going - or rather, actively encouraging him to go. He planted his hands on the stair behind him and pushed himself to stand with his arms and legs.

"I'm due to meetup with the Iviin'yc above Kashyyyk in two days. I'll set out tomorrow morning." A hint of exhaustion laced his voice, either from unloading all of his emotional baggage with Lilla or because he would normally be sleeping right now if his helmet's galactic standard time clock was right.

Since he didn't want to admit to himself that talking about 'feelings and stuff' had tuckered him out, he quickly chalked it up to the latter. As he re-corrected his helmet angle to be eye-to-visor with Lilla, he noticed she was smiling again.

Even after all that, still smiling. Simply amazing.

Although he still felt tired, he tried to slip back into his usual behaviors, "And don't worry, I don't think I'm really ready for 'complex techniques' in anything force related anyway, especially healing." He said, slightly shrugging his shoulder guards.

​

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla smiled. “There is never a better time than the present,” she said. “So, I wish you well in your endeavours.”

“And as for development, remember the Force is infinite – as is its power. But we, as Jedi, are not equal in that capacity for accessing the power. Through time and practice, you will learn to access the Force for longer, and with more power. That is why some abilities are typically referenced as being at a higher level. It’s rarely more than the amount of Force needed to use the ability correctly.”

“And talking of concepts, the other consideration is time. This, however does not increase exponentially through experience. It does not increase at all. So, my advice is to pick your abilities wisely. You only have so much time to learn, and so much time to practice. Jack-of-all-trades or master of a few? That is the decision you will need to make one day.”

“But I sense you are tired, so I would recommend training be postponed. It can wait for later, or for when you return from Kashyyyk. It’s entirely up to you.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel folded his arms as he listened to Lilla. Normally he would have objected to the notion of putting off the training until later, but he wasn't feeling collected enough to comfortably suggest going forward with a lesson from her tonight. If he was going to be receiving a lesson from her, he wanted to be focused during it.

"I think I've already got a small semblance of how I want to develop, and I have a feeling that my family search will be dangerous enough to either confirm or deny my suspicions."

Mereel was almost certain that his sister was missing because his father had crossed the wrong people. If he was going to be going up against crime bosses and their legions of goons, he would be able to figure out pretty quickly whether or not he really wanted to keep developing more in lightsaber forms and the more general techniques of the force, or if he wanted to divert his path by pursuing a deeper study of the force itself.

The rainfall lessened in intensity as a strong gust of wind blew through the courtyard for several seconds, going from downpour to drizzle.

"You know, it could be a bit before I'm back in Remnant space. Unless you want to come with, it might be a while before we see each other again. I'd gladly have you aboard for the journey, but if you have duties here I wouldn't risk the voyage. Information is scarce and I wouldn't be surprised if this took me well over a month to work out."

Tracking happened to be something he was pretty decent at. Still, it could be a while before he picked up the scent - if he ever got on it to begin with. The estimate of the mission possibly taking over a month wasn't an exaggeration. The intel Detrik had provided him was rubbish. Mere breadcrumbs to follow to search for a single person in the vast expanse of the galaxy.

A month was a long time to go without seeing her for any training, but it had been a couple of weeks since he had seen her on Aduba III, they could do it again.

Of course, there was a chance that she would take him up on his offer of travelling together during his mission, but he doubted she would accept it. He suspected that she had other responsibilities to deal with around the Jedi Temples of the Remnant.

[member="Lilla Syrin"]​

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla considered Mereel’s offer. She would never have volunteered – in case it appeared she did not trust him by myself, or in case she would be seen to dominate proceedings.

“I would be glad to accompany you – but as two Jedi seeking a solution, not as Master and Apprentice, not for this mission. You have more knowledge than me of the task ahead, so it makes sense for you to lead our endeavours.”

“That does not mean I’ll be a passenger, or withhold information – but rather I’d be keen to play the support role, and offer advice when it was requested, or if not sharing it would hold you back.”

“Yes, I could stay here and yes, I could find plenty to do. There always is. So ultimately, it’s your decision – and I am fine one way or the other.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

He hadn't expected her answer, but hearing it lifted Mereel's spirits just a little more, and a light wave of relief washed over him.

He wasn't sure that he trusted himself with this search, but having the presence of another Jedi, especially his Master, would help himself keep in check, both in regards to the reality of the situation, and in which actions he would take along the journey.

"To be honest, I'd rather have you come. It's like you said, someone neutral might be a better searcher, and a little overhead during this would be nice."

He wasn't afraid of losing it like he did on Ilum, he was worried that he might go too far trying to find his sister once he felt like they had gotten close.

Though rain was still dropping, slivers of light once again broke through the clouds, illuminating random points around and inside the courtyard proper.

Although he had asked, and genuinely wanted her to come with, he still felt a little bad whisking Lilla away on such short notice. "You think you'll be ready to go by tomorrow morning? If you've still got something to take care of here or need time to prepare I'm sure we can meet up over Kashyyyk."

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla sensed Mereel was pleased with her answer. Despite being a natural empath – in fact because of it – she deliberately supressed her talent most of the time. In part to protect her mind, the volume of thoughts and emotions were overwhelming for her – and also because she respected the privacy of anyone who she did not need to understand what they were thinking and feeling.

But his demeanour said he was either happy or relieved – and this made her happy.

“We can be a team,” she said. She’d never had to deal with personal conflicts – as she’d never had friends or family – but suspected that her Padawans would soon fall into this category, and she’d have to deal with the dilemma sooner or later.

“And don’t forget I’m an old school Jedi. One of the reasons we avoid physical attachments, is so we can be ready at a moment’s notice. Apart from reorganising a few lessons, I’m free to go. And everything I own would fit into a small holdall – so I’m happy to leave tomorrow morning.”

[member="Mereel Vaun"]

 

[Mereel Vaun]

Mereel let his arms freely fall to his sides, "Thank the force for that. I'm not entirely confident I could find a way to cram a full wardrobe into my Starfighter."

Although his possessions easily put him at odds with Jedi traditionalists, Mereel found that more often than not they enabled him during his missions, rather than binding him. The Iviin'yc certainly didn't feel like a burden to him at any rate. Still, he understood why the code discouraged attachments, especially after his conversation with Lilla tonight.

If he had actually killed his father when they met, he would have become completely obsessed with restoring his clan's honor above all else. Hindsight revealed to him how truly thin of a line he walked.

He pushed those thoughts out of his mind and reverted his focus back to the present. "I'll get the ship prepped tonight. Meet for breakfast at 8 local time and then head out?"

[member="Lilla Syrin"]

 

[Lilla Syrin]

Lilla laughed softly. “A Jedi has few needs – I have said this more than once. But you will find your own balance, in time. For now, you carry what makes you feel comfortable. Maybe, in time, that load will lighten somewhat.”

“We can meet in the morning – which gives me plenty of time for some study and meditation – and perhaps a little sparring too. Rest assured, I’ll be on time and I won’t be a burden on this trip."

###​

Lilla was ready and had a bowl of hot milky oatmeal in front of her – with a sprinkling of a couple of spices and nuts that added to the somewhat bland flavour and provided a helping of protein to the dish.

She had a cup of caf too, and smiled at Mereel as he entered the dining hall.

[member="Mereel Vaun"]