Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved Planet Stewjon [Canon]

Status
Not open for further replies.

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
stock_planet_01_by_regulus36_d32k9ri-fullview.png

[1]
Stewjon

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Planet Name: Stewjon
  • Demonym: Stewjoni
  • Region: Mid Rim
  • System Name: Stewjon
  • System Features: In the system exist two undisturbed gas giants simply named Ewji I and Ewji II both well beyond the habitable zone and a near inhospitable igneous terrestrial planet named Colstev closer to the sun, it formerly had a small population of human miners and other labourers but has since been abandoned due to years of neglect and the rather harsh conditions.
  • Location: Along the Sanctuary Pipleline coreward west of Elattu 6.
    7PtCZnu.png
  • Major Imports: Stewjon is a major commerce world in the Western Reaches being a former colony a Eriadu so it’s often used as a trade extension of the world for example, people can trade goods such as textiles, foodstuffs, lumber and building supplies from the unknown regions on Stewjon instead of going all the way to Eriadu or Sullust saving time and fuel, as for other imports the primary ones would be foodstuffs and and ships and other transports and parts not produced on Stewjon.
  • Major Exports: Stewjon is a key exporter in it's sector, In terms of natural resources Stewjon has many, some of the larger exports being valuable ores such as Iridium, Platinum and Durasteel, Raydonium fuel, medicinal supplies, textiles and transport such as trains and hover trains. Another unfortunate but major export is the illegal buy and sell of slaves, although, with CIS support recently there has been a major crackdown on slave trading on Stewjon, the 11th Ward is particularly notorious for being the centre of the slave trade on Stewjon.
  • Unexploited Resources: Stewjon has done little investment into researching it's many seas and the untapped resources beneath such as fossil fuel deposits and fishing.
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
  • Gravity: Standard
  • Climate: Stewjon is a temperate lush green world, the planet has four seasons with wet springs and autumns, long hot summers and bitter long winters, because of it’s topography Stewjon has interesting habit of being windy everywhere all the time, because of this large portions of land are just wind farms and about 90% of power is produced by sed wind farms.
  • Primary Terrain: Stewjon is reasonably small world (About the size of Mercury) consisting of about half land and half sea, much of the terrain in the northern hemisphere is very mountainous whereas the south hemisphere is much flatter and where over 90% of the population live.
  • Atmosphere: Type 1
LOCATION INFORMATION
  • Capital City: Neo Yamatestu - Idoma 24th Ward [See below]
  • Planetary Features: Stewjon has only one minor moon named Steerg which remains uninhabited besides a single refuelling station and diner, in terms of man made satellites Stewjon has a handful of privately owned shipyards and refuelling stations surrounding the world as well as communication satellites.
  • Major Locations: most larger cities in the southern hemisphere reside in a band of cities and municipalities travelling east to west known as Neo Yamatetsu, both ends of the super city being very wealthy financial districts with a every worsening slum when you travel between them. The map below shows the super city by names and ward, the darker the shade of red the less annual earning, GDP and higher the poverty rate.
  • Neo Yamatetsu:
    fegQwwr.jpg
    KOqpGXl.jpg
d30mupx-7d78cb74-0e97-43ad-a346-130bd0504c32.jpg

[2]​
  • Sendo City: Heart of Stewjon
    [Image - 3]
    Sendo City was the old capital of Stewjon and at one point its most populous Ward, it's fallen off recently with the grown of Idoma but it still remainson of the most wealth parts of Stewjon.
  • (Sendo City) Financial District: Stewjon Tomorrow, Today
    [Image - 4]
    The Sendo City Financial District is a the older brother area to the new capital Idoma financial district, the sector includes beautiful parks as well as one of the safest parts of the city being the Stewjon stock exchange, although the 1st ward is old and less alluring to the new Trade sector in Idoma it still remains a relevant place of commerce for many corporations.
  • Kahchino: The Ward of a Thousand Sights
    [Image - 5]
    Kahchino is a very wealthy Ward where many rich individuals have housing looking over the city including the prime ministers estate, this area is also the centre of Stewjons gambling district making it a very lucrative neighbourhood.
  • Milkoh/Entertainment District: The Ward that Never Sleeps
    [Image - 6]
    The Milkoh Entertainment District is with out a doubt the shadiest district in the Sendo Wards area, being home to many bars, clubs, stadiums, casinos and brothels as well as being a densely populated neighbourhood.
  • Ko Halh: Where Sendo Sleeps
    [Image - 7]
    Ko Halh is a giant residential area most of sed residents being people who work in the 1st, 2nd or 4th wards, this area has a tendency to go from incredibly quiet during the day to crawling with people at night scrambling to get home. This part of town is very infamous for the amount of trains running through it, since this town is one of the centres of the supercity wide subway.
  • Uuzun: Where Wonders Await
    [Image - 8]
    Uuzun is the centre of local shops, boutiques and commerce on Stewjon being home to the this worlds branch of the merchants guild as well as having one of Stewjons largest spaceports. It's often said you never know what you will and won't find in Uuzun, to an extent this being true since it has the highest concentration of aliens then anywhere else on the planet.
  • Inogon/Lygon: The Day and Night Wards
    [Image - 9]
    Inogon and Lygon are the start of the northern most tip of the Inogon ward machine yards, Inogon isn't as known for it's industrial sector it being more of a smaller entertainment sector fueling off of workers from the industrial detract making their way home to the 5th Ward.
  • Satubo/Kako Satubo: The Gears of Stewjon
    [Image - 10]
    Satubo and Kakp Satubo are both heavily mechanized Ward consisting over almost entirely industrial sectors, this ward contains Stewjons only grounded shipyards as well as large plants refining the worlds Raydonium. The large space port in the 8th Ward also crosses over into the 7th Ward, this side of the spaceport being mostly space freighters and exports rather then passengers and imports.
  • The Mihon Wards: Where the Humble Dwell
    [Image - 11]
    The Mihon wards are a collection of incredibly rural Wards which make up the slums of Stewjon, like any city or world it has its fair share of slums and the Mihon wards are no exception being some of the toughest areas in all of the Western Reaches, murder is common and the police are particularly corrupt and violent in the Mihon Wards.
  • Eleventh Ward: The Ward on Hard Mode
    [Image - 12]
    Out of the Mihon Wards the 11th ward is the definite loser when it comes to success, already being incredibly dangers and impoverished its one of the most densely populated wards as well as the ward with the lowest employment rate of any of the wards. Because of its prowess the industries of the neighbouring 7th Ward often dump old ships and machinery which the locals reuse as housing making many neighbourhoods somehow unique and charming in design.
  • Memar/Doligren: The Ward that Becomes a Family
    [Image - 13]
    The 18th through 21st Wards are all considered the Underwards due to the fact the city itself was build under elevated track meant for the subway system, the largest train manufacturing work yard in the Western Reaches is located above Memar and the 19th ward where as Doligren and the 20th Ward are under the subways idle yard and repair yard and the elevated local authority HQ, training centre and armoury. Meanwhiel the people beneath that mess have found unique ways to call what they have home. Memar and Doligren are the more residential areas of the Underwards.
  • Sillobu/South Hills: Where Knowledge Hides
    [Image - 14]
    Sillobu and South Hills are the seaside wards of the Under Wards, being a large market place to the inhabitants of the Underward, selling unique items not able to be found anywhere including rare intergalactic herbs, spices, incense as well as rare weaponry and droids. The 19th and 20th wards are also home to the Olloson Library an ancient Library older then the cities of Stewjon themselves, the interesting thing about the Underwards is that despite the low average income and high poverty rate crime is very low in the are people say this is due to the strong sense of family in the area.
  • Nahaj: Where Fashion Lives
    [Image - 15]
    Nahaj is another large commerce centre but unlike the others this one is much more linear selling only more normal wares, unlike the other commerce wards the 22nd ward is heavily controlled and influenced by the government and the Trade Federation, being the centre of commerce where many of the officials would shop, never the less it does have many five star boutiques and shops. Nahaj also has the unique fashion district where one of the galaxies most prestigious fashion show takes place every year.
  • Nnansdeen: Where Saviours Sleep
    [Image - 16]
    Nnansdeen is a large residential ward housing many people living in the 22nd and 24th Wards, of the bourgeoisie/middle class residential areas Nnansdeen is defiantly the nicest as well as the most expensive considering its close proximity to the capital.
  • Idoma: The Grand Capital of the Grand World
    [Image - 17]
    Idoma is the lavish new capital of Stewjon, unlike the rest of Stewjon and all the ward mentioned so far Idoma has a very unique architecture, being inspired by Muunan architecture in testament to their aid to the independence of Stewjon, the crowning jewel of Idoma would be Sotck Exchange Plaza, a large pavilion hosing many quaint daily markets as well as the Stewjon marketplace, despite this is the capital the parliament is intact in the 23rd Ward not the 24th.
  • (Idoma) Bankers Properties: The Blood and Gears of Stewjon
    [Image - 18]
    The 23rd Ward or the Bankers Properties is where only the most regal and important figures live, being a lavish residential area as well the location of the parliament building, the national treasury and the base of operations of the Trade Federation on Stewjon, much like the 24th Ward this ward portrays Muunan inspired architecture instead of the average Stewjon architecture. In this picture the parliament can be seen towering on the hill in the distance.
  • Bason/Nil Shi: A Home for Those Waiting
    [Image - 19]
    The 17th and 26th wards are both referred to as the cargo wards for both of the wards are filled to the brine with storages and warehouses mixed in with residential areas, these wards also have a small industrial district in each of them which helps with the respective wards income. Of the two the 17th Ward is much sketchier then the 26th Ward.
  • Easthill Wards: Aventure Beckons
    [Image - 20]
    The Easthill wards being the 15th and 16th Wards are the third and second most impoverished wards following the 11th Ward, much like the 11th Ward the 15th and 16th Wards are used as dumping grounds for old machinery and tech causing many of the buildings within the wards to take on an interesting design, one larger area consisting of all old subway trains.
9acc207f50e67236d2c011bc01e2d492-d7d3eqn.jpg

[21]​
  • ~Northern Hemisphere~
    Xeridun:
    The Heart of the North
    [Image - 22]
    Xeridun is one of the biggest cities in the northern Hemisphere having a constant population of about 12,000, this makes it the centre of trade within the north but also one of the most dangerous cities up there as well.
    Olmoth: Where the Spirits Reside
    [Image - 23]
    There are many small villages scattered throughout the northern parts of Stewjon, this is just one of many, but this town is special for it lays on the foot of the Annacis Sky Pier, a ancient monument, along with this the town of Olmoth has a strangely high percentage of force sensitive individuals hailing from it, even for the north.
    The Annacis Sky Pier: The Great Tower of Stewjon
    [Image - 24]
    The Annacis Sky Pier is a mysterious ancient building and historical landmark, few people are allowed to enter by the guardians of the Sky Pier the Sheild Maidens of Stewjon and its origin remains shrouded in mystery, it has been said the the pier is a perfect place for meditation due to its connection to the force not to mention its large population of aviated fauna.
POPULATION
  • Native Species: None.
  • Immigrated Species: Humans, Muuns, Mustafarans,
  • Population: Moderate, Sparsely populated outskirts, tightly packed small urban areas
  • Demographics: Stewjon has a population of about 8 billion, 99.875% of see population living in the large supercity in the southern hemisphere, the other 0.125% living everywhere else rural northern hemisphere (that might seem like a small percentage but that’s still 10 million individuals). Most of the population is human, about 90%, this being because of its roots and ties to Eriadu, not to mention the air of humanocentrism makes many alien migrants look elsewhere. The only major exception being a large population of Skakoans and Neimoidians and who make up about 5% of the population due to Stewjons close ties to the Trade Federation.
  • Primary Languages: Galactic Basic
  • Culture: Stewjon’s culture is split into two major groups being the southern hemisphere being very family and business oriented and above all loyal to corporations, consisting of the huge mega cities and smaller roadside towns connecting them, people of the south hold their children and family to high standards and expect them to do the best they can and have the best job possible. Meanwhile the north is very spiritual and humble, focusing much more on people trying their hardest. Most the people who live in the north live in highly isolated small ancient agricultural towns following tribal and ancient philosophy many still following the caste system of the past and far more loyal to the CIS then the south, travelling from the heart of Stewjon to the north is like night and day in terms of industry and development and may of the local northern leaders want to keep it that way, much to the dismay of the ruling elite and the Trade Federation (We can assume Obi Wan was from the north.), that being said northerns are known for being unbelievably hospitable and kind and some of the most hard working humans in the galaxy. In historic times the system had a rigid caste system of peasants and kings and with the existence of highly segregated wards much of the castes culture still exists, it is quite taboo to marry out of your social rank and even stranger to find a line of work out of your family ancestry, tenfold in the more rural parts of the planet. Within Stewjon culture it’s common for individuals to have a strong sense of family pride much like Mandolorians, within the culture you’d often refer to yourself based on your family name saying, “I’m Seldo Machi (First Name) of Huumvu (Family Name)." Humans of Stewjon are usually trademarked by pale skin and black, brown or ginger hair or somewhere in between, it's also very common for people to dye their hair as well as get tattoos, tattooed individuals being a majority in some communities.
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY
  • Government: Stewjon is based around a senate of 35 representatives who sit in seats in the parliament building in the capital of Idoma, one seat representing each ward in the Stewjon super city making up 26 seats, 1 seat for the worlds Trade Federation representative and the last 8 seats for other populated jurisdictions around the world, along with the senate of 35 Stewjon also has a prime minister who works in terms of 6 years. Stewjon is not a democracy, only members of the senate vote for new senators, rather they’re chosen because of their politcal record and a little bit of money exchanged therefore the senate is notoriously corrupt. The only vote the public has is for the prime minister but he has very little actual power in the government and acts more as a figure head for intergalactic relations.
  • Affiliation: CIS
  • Wealth: High, Due to heavy investment in the finances & services, information, manufacturing and industry Stewjon's elite and government experience a high GDP especially amongst planets in the western reaches, with much more potentially and resources available. Stewjon has a super large discrepancy between poor and wealthy wards and the cities and the country side. A small few members of the Stewjon elite hold nearly all of the income on Stewjon leaving table scraps to the masses, the former caste system that vaguely persists to this day cementing the wealth disparity in the system.
  • Stability: Medium, many credits annually are spent to further stability, aiding in social programs and granting relief to the northern communities. In recent years the rapid industrialization slowly creeping north was put abruptly on hold as a anti-corporatist rebellion nearly formed in the north against it, instead the local government stepped in to intervene now only allowing a limited number of northern resource extraction permits yearly.
  • Freedom & Oppression: Citizens of Stewjon enjoy many civil liberties other planets could only dream of, that being said the systemic corruption within the systems hierarchy does lend it's way to occasional lack of freedom of expression and the press.
MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY
  • Military: Stewjon does have it’s own military called “The Stewjon Authority of National Security” S.A.N.S. or “Blue faces” [Image - 25] in slang referring to the blue optical mask they often adjourn, the authority have a tendency to be incredibly brutal and vicious often doing things without reason due to the fact the board in charge of S.A.N.S. is very corrupt. In the far north exists a fragment of a bygone area, The Shield Maidens of Stewjon, a coven of strange warriors self ordained to project Stewjon upon invasion, their numbers have dwindled over thousands of years but a few hundred still dwell deep in the sanctums of the Annacis Sky Pier awaiting their next day of reckoning, they allow the occasional tourist but at times can be very hostile espcially to non-humans and offworlders
  • Technology: The southern parts of Stewjon are as technologically advanced as the majority of the galaxy, due to it’s large trading sector and that being such an important part of it’s economy Stewjon tries its hardest to have the most modern technology to stay relevant as a place of commerce.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
A long time ago Stewjon was a incredibly quiet forested consisting of small human villages and an arrange of average flora and fauna, a brutal caste system engulfed the world, causing great class divides and wras between villages, this changed when many merchants and corporations on Eriadu found themselves with a problem, as Eriadu began to boom as a centre of commerce in the outer rim many businesses and coma pies flocked to the world to make the most of the world unfortunately this led you outrageous interest and prices for land on Eriadu, to compensate many businessmen built a new city on the nearby world of Stewjon as an extension of the commerce centre that was Eriadu, when the Eriaduan government got wind of this they like the idea and claimed Stewjon as a colony of Eriadu , an extension of their space and set Sendo City as the capital, the new people of Eriadu didn’t mind at all in fact they embraced it. Not long after the colonization of Stewjon the Trade Federation was looking for a planet to place a branch in the western reaches, they had originally looked to Eriadu but realizing the same thing, they set up their new headquarters on Stewjon’s in the city of Idoma. As time went on a strange sense of national pride began to circulate on Stewjon, over time they’d developed their own culture and had almost completely drifted away from Eriadu despite their continuing control of the world. This boiled when the senate of Stewjon decided to create a bill to free them for Eriadu’s grasp, when they refused the Trade Federation stepped in threatening to embargo transactions on Eriadu, when this was put forward Eriadu immediately signed the bill freeing Stewjon of it’s title as a colony, due to the Trade Federation’s great contribution to the independence of Stewjon the capital of Stewjon was moved to Idoma and a new parliament was built in their honour.

Not five years before the system joined the CIS a all out civil war had broken out in the north, a recession in the south had sent shockwaves north causing a period of famine, looting and death. Villages, clans and houses had united to defend their lands and resources creating three large northern entities which before long were at each others throats, being sponsored by rich southern elites in exchange for land and resource rights, while the planetary senate and the Shield Maidens attempted to mediate the nearly tribal conflict. Many atrocities were carried out in this war and with the economy in ruins the senate could do little but seek help from the outside, their eyes turned to the CIS, in exchange for joining the alliance the CIS would supply defence and relief to quell the never-ending northern war, the deal was quickly signed as the CIS forces arrived to quell the fighting, they were hailed as heroes especially by the north raising many a monument and hosting a great feast in their honour and to this day Stewjon remains a proud member of the CIS.

hebron-ppg-industrialcyberpunk-f1-hebronppg.jpg

[26]​
 
Last edited:
:: HERO of KORRIBAN ::
Moderator
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

I’m Judah Lesan, and I am here to review your sub!

I‘m gonna need a couple of days, likely the weekend to get this all sorted, it s a very good start, and has a lot of detail! Since I am currently in training it will require an additional review before it can be fully approved.

I’ll tag you here when everything is all set!
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

I’m Judah Lesan, and I am here to review your sub!

I‘m gonna need a couple of days, likely the weekend to get this all sorted, it s a very good start, and has a lot of detail! Since I am currently in training it will require an additional review before it can be fully approved.

I’ll tag you here when everything is all set!
Thanks, king. You're doing great.
 
:: HERO of KORRIBAN ::
Moderator
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

Thank you so much for your patience with this. There are a few things we need to work on, I am just going to start at the top and work my way down the template. First let me say this submission is rather well done!!

No. 1. IMAGE CREDIT

While your list is nice and tidy, you unfortunately cannot put that nice neat list in a spoiler as per the submission guidelines.​
Spoilers and Tabs are not permitted in submissions, however, images can be placed in Spoilers. This is the only exception. Text should not be hidden.
We have another issue with the image credits. The following links, corresponding to the numbers you have listed link back to disabled accounts or pull up errors:​
  • 1 - This account seems to be diabled or deleted
  • 2, 11, 13, & 14 - Page cannot be found
  • 3 - 404 error
You will need to fix these before I can pass this up. I did notice all your image links worked, so it is unfortunate that this happened for those particular set of links. You may have to replace those images entirely or see if there is something in the link that might have copied wrong?​
Also while you do use a number system, none of your images are actually numbered. I had to count to double check all of these. If you could go through your sub and number them for me, or label them with the area you are using them, that would be helpful. This is just a suggestion to make it easier for the others that will be looking over this review when I pass it up.​

No. 2 LOCATION

Once again while it is okay to have the image in a spoiler, no text should be hidden. So if you could pull that out of the spoiler that would be awesome.​

No. 3 MAJOR IMPORTS AND EXPORTS

There are some inconsistencies here in regards to the faction you have it affiliated with. Here is an example:​
Another unfortunate but major import and export is slaves, recently there had been a major crackdown on slave trading on Stewjon, the 11th Ward is particularly notorious for being the centre of the slave trade on Stewjon.
The Confederacy of Independent Systems outlaws slavery so you will want to make sure things like that are reflected throughout the submission since the planet is affiliated with them.​
You have also combined imports and exports here, but you do need to use the template as it was created as per the codex guidelines.​
The entire template must be used in your submission. The template's base fields are not to be changed/removed/altered with the exception of a Force Nexus. If a Planet does not have one this can be removed. Otherwise, If the field does not apply simply state "N/A". Additional information and fields may be added if desired.
You will need to separate these sections so as to conform to the template before we can approve the submission.​

No. 4 GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION - GRAVITY

Under this section you list gravity as earth like. However codex submission guidelines do apply here as well.​
Don't use specific Earth references as shorthand instead of explaining something. Ex. 'Japanese culture,' 'Medieval Europe', etc.
Earth-like is about as earth specific as you can get. The template does give guidance here as well.​
Gravity: Standard is Earth-like. Use terms such as "Twice Standard" to describe other types of gravity.
Changing this to standard would fix this issue easy peasy.​

No. 5. LOCATION INFORMATION

The [image] next to your capital city does not have a link. Did you mean to put one there?​
Also the map of the capital city, did you draw that yourself? You will need to cite an image credit for this. If you made it simply list it as your own.​

No. 6 POPULATION

DEMOGRAPHICS
The only major exception being a large population of Muuns who make up about 5% of the population due to Stewjons close ties to the IGBC.
I notice you have suggested here that there are strong ties with IGBC, and yet they are not listed as an affiliation. Also he IGBC is a subbed company on chaos, listing here. You will notice they do list locations in the submission, so I would advise getting permission from the OP before moving forward with the IGBC affiliation.​
CULTURE
I love the idea of splitting things by hemisphere, that is a really cool idea. Maybe you could give more examples of how those cultures are different. This would be a great place to expand if you would like to.​
There is one area I do need to ask you to expand on however.​
because of their close ties to nature force sensitivity is much more common among northerners…
Unless you have canonical evidence that the force works this way, it would be better to suggest those in the north are better at detecting those among them who are force sensitive.​

No. 7. GOVERNMENT AND ECONOMY

AFFILIATION
As mentioned above in demographics with the IGBC please seek permission from the OP before connecting Stewjon so closely with the company. If you do get permission, you may link that in the permissions field under the OOC Information heading.​
I am also curious as to how Stewjon would be affiliated with Eriadu? Are they still a colony of Eridau? Everything about the submission, including the history, seems to suggest they are their own independent government within the CIS. While the history is perfectly fine to suggest what you have if they are in fact no longer a colony of Eriadu then I would remove the affiliation and just leave the connection of the worlds as historical information.​
WEALTH
Please expand on this, specifically answering the question why did you rate it Medium? The disparity of wealth distribution might speak more to the planet’s stability rather than its overall wealth. What is the economy like? Are there any internal or external factors which are keeping the planet from being wealthier than it is? What is keeping it from being totally destitute?​
STABILITY
Why is it medium? Is there an element of those who don’t like the caste system? Are the people mostly content? Does the disparity of wealth distribution make some feel uneasy? Is there any protesting as a result?​

No. 8. HISTORICAL INFORMATION

This is likely where we will spend a little bit of time trying to track things down. You do an excellent job of painting a picture of how Stewjon was settled, advanced, and gained their independence from Eriadu, but it stops there. You have affiliated the planet with the CIS, and appropriately as it is in their influence cloud, but how did they join the CIS? What other major events have taken place on the planet since they joined?​
A quick search pulls up some threads which have taken place on Stewjon including the CIS domionion of the hex which I have included for you here. Before we can approve this submission we do need to ask you to account for some of the board history of this world as well.​


Once you get these items sorted tag me and we see about getting you bumped up to the next round.

Again thank you so much for your patience, and seriously nice work on this submission so far! I can only imagine the time you have put in just on the number of images you have alone!
 
Last edited:

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

Thank you so much for your patience with this. There are a few things we need to work on, I am just going to start at the top and work my way down the template. First let me say this submission is rather well done!!

No. 1. IMAGE CREDIT

While your list is nice and tidy, you unfortunately cannot put that nice neat list in a spoiler as per the submission guidelines.​
We have another issue with the image credits. The following links, corresponding to the numbers you have listed link back to disabled accounts or pull up errors:​
  • 1 - This account seems to be diabled or deleted
  • 2, 11, 13, & 14 - Page cannot be found
  • 3 - 404 error
You will need to fix these before I can pass this up. I did notice all your image links worked, so it is unfortunate that this happened for those particular set of links. You may have to replace those images entirely or see if there is something in the link that might have copied wrong?​
Also while you do use a number system, none of your images are actually numbered. I had to count to double check all of these. If you could go through your sub and number them for me, or label them with the area you are using them, that would be helpful. This is just a suggestion to make it easier for the others that will be looking over this review when I pass it up.​

No. 2 LOCATION

Once again while it is okay to have the image in a spoiler, no text should be hidden. So if you could pull that out of the spoiler that would be awesome.​

No. 3 MAJOR IMPORTS AND EXPORTS

There are some inconsistencies here in regards to the faction you have it affiliated with. Here is an example:​
The Confederacy of Independent Systems outlaws slavery so you will want to make sure things like that are reflected throughout the submission since the planet is affiliated with them.​
You have also combined imports and exports here, but you do need to use the template as it was created as per the codex guidelines.​
You will need to separate these sections so as to conform to the template before we can approve the submission.​

No. 4 GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION - GRAVITY

Under this section you list gravity as earth like. However codex submission guidelines do apply here as well.​
Earth-like is about as earth specific. The template does give guidance here as well.​
Changing this to standard would fix this issue easy peasy.​

No. 5. LOCATION INFORMATION

The [image] next to you capital city does not have a link. Did you mean to put one there?​
Also the map of the capital city, did you draw that yourself? You will need to cite an image credit for this. If you made it simply list it as your own.​

No. 6 POPULATION

DEMOGRAPHICS
I notice you have suggested here that there are strong ties with IGBC, and yet they are not listed as an affiliation. Also since the IGBC is subbed company on chaos, listing here. You will notice they do list locations in the submission, so I would advise getting permission from the OP before moving forward with the IGBC affiliation.​
CULTURE
I love the idea of splitting things by hemisphere, that is a really cool idea. Maybe you could give more examples of how those cultures are different. This would be a great place to expand if you would like to.​
There is one area I do need to ask you to expand on however.​
Unless you have canonical evidence that the force works this way, it would be better to suggest those in the north are better at detecting those among them who are force sensitive.​

No. 7. GOVERNMENT AND ECONOMY

AFFILIATION
As mentioned above in demographics with the IGBC please seek permission from the OP before connecting Stewjon so closely with the company. If you do get permission, you may link that in the permissions field under the OOC Information heading.​
I am also curious as to how Stewjon would be affiliated with Eriadu? Are they still a colony of Eridau? Everything about the submission, including the history, seems to suggest they are their own independent government within the CIS. While the history is perfectly fine to suggest what you have if they are in fact no longer a colony of Eriadu then I would remove the affiliation and just leave the connection of the worlds as historical information.​
WEALTH
Please expand on this, specifically answering the question why did you rate it Medium? The disparity of wealth distribution might speak more to the planet’s stability rather than its overall wealth. What is the economy like? Are there any internal or external factors which are keeping the planet from being wealthier than it is? What is keeping it from being totally destitute?​
STABILITY
Why is it medium? Is there an element of those who don’t like the caste system? Are the people mostly content? Does the disparity of wealth distribution make some feel uneasy? Is there any protesting as a result?​

No. 8. HISTORICAL INFORMATION

This is likely where we will spend a little bit of time trying to track things down. You do an excellent job of painting a picture of how Stewjon was settled, advanced, and gained their independence from Eriadu, but it stops there. You have affiliated the planet with the CIS, and appropriately as it is in their influence cloud, but how did they join the CIS? What other major events have taken place on the planet since they joined?​
A quick search pulls up some threads which have taken place on Stewjon including the CIS domionion of the hex which I have included for you here. Before we can approve this submission we do need to ask you to account for some of the board history of this world as well.​


Once you get these items sorted tag me and we see about getting you bumped up to the next round.

Again thank you so much for your patience, and seriously nice work on this submission so far! I can only imagine the time you have put in just on the number of images you have alone!
I have a bunch of stuff to reply to, and I'll make the edits as soon as I can.
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Okay!

Changes:
-Fixed the image credits, dead links and numbered the links, also removed the unlinked one at Neo Yamatetsu. Note that image 1, that does belong to that person but it appears they've left the internet, should I find different art?
-Spoiler tag for image fixed!
-Imports and exports separated, keeping slave trading but mentioned that it is illegal and that the crackdown is CIS sponsored.
-Gravity fixed
-And mentioned that the maps provided were done by myself
-All mentions of the IGBC should be gone, changed to the Trade Federation, talked to their OP and got approval to use them
-Expanded on culture and just removed all mention of the force, it's really not relevant to this piece
-Stewjon is no longer a colony of Eridau, mentions the fight for independence in the history section
-Wealth and stability extended
-Added a paragraph about joining the CIS that follows quite in line with the dominion thread.

Judah Lesan Judah Lesan
 
:: HERO of KORRIBAN ::
Moderator
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

WOW! You got on those changes quick, so let's run through and just make sure we are good to go.

No. 1. IMAGE CREDITS

The first image just links me to a profile that is deleted, so there is no way to confirm the image does belong to him. It might be easier to use another image than to scour the recesses of the internet for the artist. You could try using tineye.com, to see if they pop up elsewhere if you really want to.​
No. 2. PERMISSIONS

You linked the Trade Federation faction page under permissions. What is needed there is a link to a screen shot where you were actually given the permission. Also you link the shield maidens which was submitted by Alwine Daye. Upon further inspection you do seem to expanding on the lore which the OP submitted. This reference specifically under military:​
The Shield Maidens of Stewjon, a coven of strange warriors self ordained to project Stewjon upon invasion, their numbers have dwindled over thousands of years but a few hundred still dwell deep in the sanctums of the Annacis Sky Pier awaiting their next day of reckoning, they allow the occasional tourist but at times can be very hostile espcially to non-humans and offworlders.

There is not any guidance in the submission you link, or the sister submission of the actual combat unit itself. If you did get her permission to use them in the submission I will need you to link a screen cap of that as well.​
No. 3. AFFILIATION

You can go ahead and remove Eriadu from affiliation since they are independent and no longer affiliated.​

No. 4. WEALTH

I think I might not have explained all that well what I was looking for here, let's blame it on being in training. Wealth falls under the category for Government and Economy, so a medium rating is talking about the government's wealth, not the wealth of the population. While it does factor in, what I am looking is an answer to this question:​
Why is the government's wealth rated medium?​
This section is really trying to get whether the planet itself is wealthy or not.​

I think that about covers it! Great work! Go ahead and tag me when you are ready for me to take another look at it!
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

WOW! You got on those changes quick, so let's run through and just make sure we are good to go.

No. 1. IMAGE CREDITS

The first image just links me to a profile that is deleted, so there is no way to confirm the image does belong to him. It might be easier to use another image than to scour the recesses of the internet for the artist. You could try using tineye.com, to see if they pop up elsewhere if you really want to.​
No. 2. PERMISSIONS

You linked the Trade Federation faction page under permissions. What is needed there is a link to a screen shot where you were actually given the permission. Also you link the shield maidens which was submitted by Alwine Daye. Upon further inspection you do seem to expanding on the lore which the OP submitted. This reference specifically under military:​

There is not any guidance in the submission you link, or the sister submission of the actual combat unit itself. If you did get her permission to use them in the submission I will need you to link a screen cap of that as well.​
No. 3. AFFILIATION

You can go ahead and remove Eriadu from affiliation since they are independent and no longer affiliated.​

No. 4. WEALTH

I think I might not have explained all that well what I was looking for here, let's blame it on being in training. Wealth falls under the category for Government and Economy, so a medium rating is talking about the government's wealth, not the wealth of the population. While it does factor in, what I am looking is an answer to this question:​
Why is the government's wealth rated medium?​
This section is really trying to get whether the planet itself is wealthy or not.​

I think that about covers it! Great work! Go ahead and tag me when you are ready for me to take another look at it!
So to clarify, if I don't have permission I should just not make mention of the Maidens? I only included them because I figured that because they were preexisting lore I had to. Nevertheless I have contacted them and await a response
 
Last edited:
:: HERO of KORRIBAN ::
Moderator
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

To answer your question, you can mention the maidens if you would like since they do exist, but your sub doesn't have to mention them at all. Where I was getting a little wary was the additional stuff you mentioned that I could not confirm in the original sub. My trainer can definitely speak to this question better than I can because as for the rest of the work...

You nailed it! I think you have yourself some lore that you can be proud of and that the overall community will benefit from. On my end I really do not see any other reason to hold this back.

If you would like I can pass this up to my trainer for review to get this moving along for you, or you can wait on the permissions. Let me know what you would like to do.
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

To answer your question, you can mention the maidens if you would like since they do exist, but your sub doesn't have to mention them at all. Where I was getting a little wary was the additional stuff you mentioned that I could not confirm in the original sub. My trainer can definitely speak to this question better than I can because as for the rest of the work...

You nailed it! I think you have yourself some lore that you can be proud of and that the overall community will benefit from. On my end I really do not see any other reason to hold this back.

If you would like I can pass this up to my trainer for review to get this moving along for you, or you can wait on the permissions. Let me know what you would like to do.
I'll wait on the response for a few days if I get nothing I'll make some edits
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

To answer your question, you can mention the maidens if you would like since they do exist, but your sub doesn't have to mention them at all. Where I was getting a little wary was the additional stuff you mentioned that I could not confirm in the original sub. My trainer can definitely speak to this question better than I can because as for the rest of the work...

You nailed it! I think you have yourself some lore that you can be proud of and that the overall community will benefit from. On my end I really do not see any other reason to hold this back.

If you would like I can pass this up to my trainer for review to get this moving along for you, or you can wait on the permissions. Let me know what you would like to do.
Well that was fast, got blessings, send her up!
Judah Lesan Judah Lesan
 
Judah Lesan Judah Lesan | Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

Good work on this you two, this is a pretty good submission so far however there are just a few points I'd like clarified before we move on towards approval.

1) Canon

While you do acknowledge that this is a canon planet in your write up, you're not following the template exactly here, specifically in terms of the tags and title. I have included the text from the template below for ease of reference.
Canon: [ Is this a canon planet? If yes, link to the original planet wiki here, if no simply put N/A. All canon planet submissions must be tagged "Canon" in Topic Tags and place [Canon] next to the planet name in the title. ]
Please edit the title and tags to include the wording 'canon'

2) System

While you have fleshed out the system the wookie article on the Stewjon system also contains some details you haven't included in your submission which I have copied below. Could you please include these planet details in your submission as well.
The Stewjon system was a star system which contained the planets of Colstev and Stewjon, homeworld to the Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his family, which consisted of his mother and father.

3) Major Imports

people can trade goods from the unknown regions on Stewjon instead of going all the way to Eriadu or Sullust

Can you define what kind of trade goods are being traded from the unknown regions?

4) Major Exports

In terms of natural resources Stewjon has many, some of the larger exports being valuable ores

Which ores are included here? Valuable ores could be anything from gold and silver to phrik or songsteel. In terms of a planet submission details are important so anyone writing on the planet knows exactly what ores and metals they could be trading or exporting from the planet.

5) Unexploited Resources

fuel deposits

What kind of fuel deposits are we talking about there? Fossil fuels? Uranium or another fuel source?

6) Planetary Features

In your submission, the Planetary Features field is as below.

Planetary Features:

However, the field should be filled out and not left blank per the template below.

Planetary Features: [ What are interesting artificial features of the planet? Ruins, interconnected cities, floating urban platforms. This field is used to sketch out artificial features, adding RP opportunities, but without the need for specific details like in the major locations field. You can also include if the planet is primarily Wild, Rural, Suburban, Urban, or a Mix. ]

Please go ahead and complete the field.

7) Major Locations

On your submission the field says:

Locations:

While on the template it says;

Major Locations:

While this might seem like a small thing the rules of the codex specifically state the following:

The entire template must be used in your submission. The template's base fields are not to be changed/removed/altered with the exception of a Force Nexus. If a Planet does not have one this can be removed. Otherwise, If the field does not apply simply state "N/A". Additional information and fields may be added if desired.

8} Native Species

In your submission you state that the planet has the following native species:
Native Species: Extinct Alien species

Which extinct alien species are these? I only ask because there ware bound to be potential archaeological sites, and certain technologies are banned from the board. The banned technologies can be found on this page.

9) Immigrated Species

The template for the field states the following:
Immigrated Species: [ Immigrant species with significant populations. Any uncommon species or custom species should be linked. ]

The immigrated species on your submission is as below:
Immigrated Species: Humans, Muuns, Mustafarans,

Could you add the links to the Muuns and Mustafarians please.

10) Government

In your submission you state the below:
Stewjon does not have a vote for senators rather they’re chosen because of their prowess

Prowess at what? Is there any specific thing that they are meant to show prowess at?

11) Affiliation

You state the planet is meant to be affiliated with the CIS, however the template states that
Affiliation: [ Does this planet fall under the rule of a certain person or faction? Company or group? Link any relevant characters, faction pages, or groups.]

Please provide a link to the CIS in your affiliation field.
Please read through my notes and tag me back when you've made the adjustments to your submission.
 

Bigfatpenn

Thicc Thighs Pope
Hello John Locke John Locke ! Sorry about the late reply.

1. Done
2. Done
3. Done, elaborated
4. Done, elaborated
5. Done, elaborated
6. Done, I had actually finished this part but put it under system features, my bad
7. Done
8. Done, deleted any mention of an extinct native species, wasn't worth the trouble and was unnecessary in the narrative
9. Done
10. Done, elaborated
11. Done
 
Bigfatpenn Bigfatpenn

Thank you for making those changes, there are just a few things more to go through.

1) Canon

You still have to add 'Canon' to the tags and title of the submission.

4) Major Exports
  • Major Exports: Stewjon is a key exporter in it's sector, In terms of natural resources Stewjon has many, some of the larger exports being valuable ores such as Iridium, Platinum and Durasteel, raydonium fuel, medicinal supplies, textiles and transport such as trains and hover trains. Another unfortunate but major export is the illegal buy and sell of slaves, although, with CIS support recently there has been a major crackdown on slave trading on Stewjon, the 11th Ward is particularly notorious for being the centre of the slave trade on Stewjon.


Do you mean Rhydonium Fuel? Please provide a link.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom