Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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This man here needs some outsider’s eyes to critique Javek's Bio. Now, it was a lengthy process creating his backstory. Back when I first created this guy, I actually spent my two off days of work brainstorming. And since I’d like to improve my storytelling abilities for scripting and such, I’d like it if a few of you guys took a look at it.

Any and all tips and personal opinions on it are welcome. (I mean, but geez, don’t be too harsh about it. I might just cry myself to sleep.)

Here’s the link to the Bio: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/61497-javek-tysis/#entry916345
 

Jsc

Disney's Princess
Critique Time! Let's see... [member="Javek Tysis"]

  • Height & Weight: - 6'3" is pretty tall. I'd bump his weight up to at least 180 lbs, if not more. Unless your species calls for it.
  • Weakness: - Needs something physical. I'd go with allergies, headaches, or fears to start with. Scars and gunshot wounds if you're feeling brave.
  • Formatting: - Gods do I hate a center alignment. But you use enough sizes, fonts, and colors that it might just work. Maybe.
  • Images: - Good sizing. Anything beyond 600 px kills my eyes and my phone.
  • Story: - Nice touch. Skips the boring text of names and places, and gives us something with a little more emotional depth.

Solid 4/5. Would critique again. - IGN :D
 
Wow. I don't know how I didn't catch the screw up with his weight earlier. I must have been awake with one eye open while typing the info...

And I've been looking for more weaknesses to add on, but I just couldn't think of anything sensible at the time. (Not that I want him to be OP character. He certainly isn't at all.)

But I definitely appreciate the critique [member="Jay Scott Clark"]. I'll be looking over it some more and fixing certain things up!
 

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