Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Broken; Hard and Colder

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Connor Harrison's Quarters
Silver Jedi Temple, Voss
At last he was alone.

At last he could breathe.

From leaving an audience of Masters and a Padawan in the medical bay, Connor Harrison had made his way gently back to his quarters for the first time in weeks and away from smiles, no matter how warm, hid doubts and suspicion still. At the rear of the Temple on the lower ground, his quarters conveniently reflected how Connor had been perceived; isolated and out of the way.

Maybe then, but now he could start being someone better, free from confrontation with his own soul.

A few pleasant smiles and welcomes along the way, Connor walked through the corridors and halls of the mighty Order that blended ancient design and modern technology, all the while carrying his tattered jumper and greatcoat over his left arm and bearing his torso, the right side wrapped in gauze and stitches to help repair the wounds obtained from the confrontation with the Sith Lord on Ord Mantell.

Boots stopped before his door, and with the key code still fresh in his mind – 7 7 0 1 9 – a chime rang out and the door slide open as it if was on air.

It was dark, but various lights from his workstation and bed chamber were still on dim, casting a calming neon blue glow around the small but cosy quarters. Stepping in and letting the door close in its own time, Connor dropped his clothing on the bed and turned to sit on the edge.

Breathing in the cool air from the ventilation up above and a couple of dying plants in the room, Connor felt good to be back on home soil. Eyes closed and listening to muted sounds from outside, the redeemed Jedi waited and calmed himself, because he suspected there would be one who still had more to say.

[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
The piercing silence...​
Eerie to some. yet welcoming to others.​
A sign of a safe haven? Or the sound of impending demise..​
Methodical humming reverberated throughout the area as her paces through the halls continued, seemingly announcing her presence.Then again, it wasn't as if she actually needed to do such a thing. She could have moved through the halls as stealthily as the more skillful of Shadows. and those around would still have taken notice. A testament to to the Order's ever growing strength, or that all eyes seem to consistently find their way to her figure; who could really say? Either way it didn't matter. She never did anything without having reason behind it, even if she didn't announce it prior.​
The sound of her humming only increased as she neared Connor's quarters, her steps beginning to make more noise as if her steps were becoming heavier. On the surface, it would seem as if she was just...her. But within the inner reaches of her mind, deeper than anyone could reach without her noticing, something was afoot.​
And he returns, just as was predicted..
You make it sounds as if you knew his moves before he did.
Not at all. I was just patient..waiting.
You think this can still work..
It can, but we will have to change things a bit, less we find ourselves on the defensive.
You ponder aloud. Speak words, so I too may see where you mind lies..
I have sensed it, as I'm sure you have as well. Another has, or is, returning.
...You think she will of use?
At the very least, it will keep her from standing in our path..
Her steps finally halted as she stood before the door. Aika unclasped her hands from the small of her back, fingers curling into a ball as she knocked on the door.​
[member="Connor Harrison"][member="Connor Harrison"]​
 
It was quick and sharp. The knock on his door. Loud enough to bring him from a light sleep. Connor opened his eyes, the neon blue light above him shining down on the bed. Turning to the door, he hadn't expected visitors so soon.

He rose, expecting to see one of a number of faces, or even a fresh-faced administrator for the Masters with some new attire or even pain-relief from the medbay. Connor pushed his fingers against the door lock and it slid open with great ease, and straight away wished he'd not been so casual.

Aika.

Always looking the same; dressed in black, a confident expression and her two-toned long hair.

With a small sigh, Connor smiled with a nod of his head.

"Master Kawakami. A pleasure."

He left the door open and turned back into his quarters, moving to the unit by his bed to fish out a training vest, grey or black, it didn't matter, just something to cover his torso and his wounds.

"Won't you come in. Care for anything? False sentiment? A bitching contest? A drink?"

[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
Ah... That expression of his never gets old..

She could hardly keep herself from grinning as she noticed the looking upon his face. It told a story in a way that words couldn't not even come close. It wasn't that Connor had any honest disdain for the mysterious Master of the Force. It was more is if he never truly knew what to say to her, or how to approach her for that matter. Attempts to be nice met hostility. Attempts to prove his worth met with contempt. And attempts to stand his ground met force... Who could blame him for giving up? That said, she couldn't say it didn't all amuse her..

"A pleasure.. Interesting way to put it." Her eyes followed him as he moved to cover himself, as if it would make her uncomfortable.. Okay, maybe it would have, but no one knows that. After all, no matter how much one grows, some parts of a girl's mind always remains the same.

Aika sauntered into the room, glancing about the slightly dark space. It was much smaller than she had imagine, but she would stay silent on that. It was possible ammo for later. As he spoke, she softly lowered herself into his bunk, taking a seat before crossing one leg over the other, her hands moving to rest upon her slim thighs as she looked up toward him. "Now, now... No need for that type of questioning, is there? After all, should a good host not be hospitable? Or does having a Mater in your quarters, a lady no less, not spur you to be on your best?" As always, the coy grin across her face that raised more questioned than it answered was plainly visible. Though, the expression mixed with her current posture created an odd air about her. Almost as if an air of....innocence.

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
Pulling the black vest over his torso, wincing slightly after rushing and stretching his muscles too hard, Connor heard Aika talking with that purr she laid on so well and was waiting for the flip-side to it. Some put down, some mockery of his quarters or physical state

He turned to face her; already she was sat on the end of his bed and looking very comfortable. What was this – a test of his resolve? His human nature? One thing he always felt with the girl, is that she knew 100% what she was doing and why she was doing it, and he felt nothing would be spontaneous or natural.

”Of course, where are my manners. Being away for so long does that to you, makes you forget your place in the pecking order.”

Not wanting to remain hovering above her, Connor walked by and passed a small hanging plant. He seated himself on the burgundy sofa in front of the empty table and drummed his fingers on it gently; a peaceful and relaxed look on his face as he waited for her response. Nothing.

”I would always be on my best with a Master present, but as it’s you Aika, I don’t get the feeling you’re here to enforce your place as a Master. I’m glad you’re here though, I feel we never got off on the right foot, know what I mean?”

Of course she did – she knew that he knew she wasn’t here to exactly build bridges and become best friends, but she was here for something, and at present the air between them felt rather....hospitable.

”So. What can I do for you? And do you want that drink or anything?”

[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
Is it bad that I find this far too entertaining?..

"Pecking order, you say?..." Was he attempting to goad her into some type rebuttal? It was almost worth a laugh that he would attempt to play her game, Sadly, it would be some years before Connor would ever be able to goad such a collected mind into bickering.

Still, her poise remained unchanged as she watched him move about. Her grin unwavering, and her gaze never faltering, even for a moment. Even as he sat at the table before her, tapping away at the table, Aika barely moved. Her head canted to the side slightly, but that was the extent. At this stage, she could more or less predict his reactions to anything that she did or said. But that didn't mean she still wouldn't poke around in his mind.

"Anything?... I wonder what that entails.." Her smirk extended a bit more as a deep breath was drawn into her lungs, causing her chest press outward slightly. "I'm curious which foot you think we got off on then. Or is this your way of attempting to apologize for trying to bring the others to believe that i was the evil they sensed.." She exhaled, her chest lowering as her head rolled back lightly, looking towards the light at the above ceiling. "You seem to hold a sort of dis-contempt towards me... Why is that, I wonder?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
He did nothing but watch and take her in. Keeping his face near enough rid of emotion bar contentment, he finally had a chance to study her posture, he features, her face and her Force aura. It was muddled; unclear but unwavering with intent to do good.

Good for whom?

He let her flirt a little, using her feminine ways to tap into Connor's psyche, but it was over as quickly as it had begun.

"I don't trust you, Aika, not one bit. I admit I may have been a little rash back in isolation, but you weren't exactly a pillar of strength when we needed it, were you?"

Connor raised his index finger, to silence her before she could say anything, and continued.

"BUT I value you as one of us, and I guess I respect what you have established here and I find you very...what's the word -" he looked at her, losing himself in a thought as her head tilted back and she appeared uninterested, " - complicated. Like me."

Nothing.

"I am partly sorry for my behaviour. If you let me in that little conflicted mind of yours however, I think you'll find we'll get on just fine."

Connor followed her gaze up to the lights.

"I also know those close to us in the Order will never understand our gift either."

[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
"Trust.....is a fickle thing, at best. There are those who wonder if such a thing even exist.." Her eyes slid shut as the silence enveloped the room once more. The silence wasn't exactly needed for her, but it always made things a bit easier. Even with her eyes closed, the world was not lost to her. The chatter of others from down the halls, the mental musing of the other Jedi, and even Connor himself. She could easily feel them all with nearly no effort. His feelings..his thoughts..nothing seemed hidden to her. It was as if he had been stripped bare, revealed for all the world.

"Ah, yes. There it is.." Aika's eyes reopened, continuing to watch the flickering light above. "Your heart... It's quite clouded, and with it, your mind. Do you know what could cloud a mind in such a way? Of course you don't. It's fear. Confusion. But the question is what has you so shaken to your very core? What makes you believe you know me in such ways?" Her head finally returned to normal position, eyes once more locking onto Connor's frame.

It had become obvious that he knew less about himself than he believed. At least, in her eyes. But then again, at this point, there was little she couldn't see."Allow me to teach you something. Sight is far more than what your eyes can simply tell your mind. First off, tell me..." Her hands left her thigh as her legs uncrossed, rising to her feet. Both hands posted themselves on either side of her hips before lazily rising as if stretching towards the ceiling before clasping together behind her head, fingers interlocking. This simple action would cause her jacket to rise, exposing her bare, flat midriff. "What do you see before you? Don't think about it. Don't search for some deeper words. Just answer. What do you see?..."

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
Connor was enjoying the mental deconstruction she was performing on him. Of course he was at his lowest; he'd just returned from facing two Sith Lords and had his mind pretty much abused by Sith Magic, not to mention sucking up his pride to return to the Order he wanted to break apart.

He smiled and rested his head in his hand, leaning on the table and watching Aika at work. She wasn't stupid; not in the slightest. However it was sobering to hear how his fear was evident to those who wanted to pick on it. That would hopefully simmer down in time and it would be something Connor would control, but hearing it from one like Aika forced a dry swallow.

Just a little one mind, but there was one there which signalled he was still uncomfortable.

And then she rose, her black body suit moving in all the right places that she wanted as she stretched up. When she asked the obvious question, Connor let his hand drop and nodded.

"Fine."

He stood up and walked up in front of her, a few inches from her body.

"I see a manipulative, conniving and isolated girl who thinks the world should bow down before her, but she's nothing special inside. However, I think she's fascinating and intoxicating at the same time. And she's very attractive. Good enough?"


[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
The grin across her lips dissipated, as if the words she heard were disappointing to her ears. Yet, they were far from unexpected. "I thought you'd say much.." A small sigh slipped from her lips, arms falling to her sides, her hands posting on her hips. Everything she had thought from the time his ordeal began were now proving true. In a way, this answered many questions the ever vigilant Jedi had held to herself.

"You are still blind, eyes closed to the galaxy around you. Such a shame, especially with such potential. " Gaining another idea, Aika's smirk swiftly returned to her visage. Methodically, her hands left her hips, slithering upward to wrap loosely around Connor's neck, resting them upon his shoulders."You say all these things, yet provide no proof. You find me to be a threat, yet you can't pull your eyes away, nor your thoughts. So, tell me. What is it about that you find so untrustworthy? What makes you believe that my intentions are any different then yours? What makes you think your path is so much more correct than mine?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
Come on - play your next card. Show your next false emotion.

Connor knew the words were empty and boring, but she wanted a gut reaction to what he saw. And what he saw and felt were two different questions with two different answers.

He didn't waver with her change in posture and tone, however he remained sure footed when he saw the grin return and felt her hands work up to slither around his shoulders, like vines reaching around a trapped animal before the beat devoured them.

No matter, he was safer than most here. He doubted very few got into the position he was now in. Willingly, any way. She smelt good, looked good and felt good...her Force aura felt good, that is.

Her words hit hard, and only being back less than a few hours, Connor knew he had to cast off the shroud of the darkness that had eaten him up, and now he really had to root himself at the heart of the Order; to let everyone know just who and what he was.

Maybe Aika was that tool?

"I don't trust you because you don't trust me, and I've done nothing to make you...well, maybe I have recently, but you've always had something against me so call it a return gesture."

He tilted his head back a little.

"I could open myself up to you, but something is telling me you don't really care. What, do you see me as a threat to your place as the Order's mystery Jedi? I'm sorry I disappoint you and I don't live up to your...standards."

Bringing up his hands, he clamped them gently around her slender wrists and pulled them down before his chest.

"Give me one good reason to trust you, or get the hell out."


[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
"You aren't as special as you believe yourself to be."

Honestly, to some degree, this was beginning to frustrate Aika, though not enough for anyone pick up on. She had taught many people many things, but this one... It was as if he refused to learn. Pushing back against her was fine. As a matter of fact, it was what she expected from other after they reached a certain point, but he was another matter. Ignorance was strong with this one..

It seemed as if her attempt at a gentle approach had been tolerated long enough as her were pulled down from their nestled position. which lead to her rising up on the tips of her toes, leaning forward slightly to close the distance between the two, her figure pressing up against his own sightly as her face rested just inches his own. "Shut up. Pull yourself down from this pedestal you've placed yourself on. I don't need your trust, nor do I desire it. You haven nothing that I want Rather than turning your nose up at one who attempts to lend assistance, perhaps your should rethink your current position."

Aika pulled back, dropping flat to her feet once more before sighing loudly. "You've told me what you see with your eyes open. Now, close them. Forget what your mind has interpreted for you. Tell me, without thinking, now, what do you see?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
Now the real brat was coming out again. No flash of skin, no silky movement; just irritation and anger. Aika was a real one-off, and it was frustrating.

However, Connor smiled softly, a little proud of his ability to wind her up. However she still had much to offer. She was closer now, and he could feel everything.

"Pedestal? No pedestal. I just know I'm different, so no point trying to deny it. I don't consider myself better than anyone here. And you've offered me nothing so far. If I have nothing you want, why are you still here?"

She spoke again, and a small raise of his eyebrows gave time to humour her.

"Ok."

His eyes closed and he exhaled softly, a small tingle of icy shivers running up the nape of his bare neck.

"I see a strong mind to stand beside. I see nothing but uncertainty from others, but one damn thing I see is the resolve I have to be something special, and I don't care who likes it or not. I'm here for a reason and I see the red skies circling ahead, and you are the only one who could know what that feels like."

The icy blue irises came into view as he opened his eyes to look at her just below him.

"I'm not here to fight you. Let me in, and let me understand you. And don't give me any kark about you being so high and mighty I'll never understand you. Strip away all that, and you close your eyes and just tell me what YOU feel for once. Be the one who isn't in control for a change. See how that feels."

Connor didn't know if he was annoyed or just frustrated with his own failings along the way.


[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
Her head shook slowly. "You are more broken then I suspected...and far more than you knew yourself. You lack the ability to see past what you see before you. You must forget what your eyes tell you. This world...this galaxy...is filled with lies. They lay before you every moment, yet are hidden in plain sight."

In a way, she felt for him,. While he had experienced much, he hadn't truly learned the lessons that they brought. He hadn't learned how to see beyond what could be seen. Aika closed her own eyes, exhaling softly as she reached forward with her mind, projecting her own thoughts into Connor's mind.

Few have stood on the edge of the abyss, the precipice of despair, only to have the will to step back rather than fall forward. I have never claimed to be Almighty, nor have I ever left myself closed off to what is before me. I have always seen everything, heard and felt it all... The lies. The truths. The deceit. Think back to your days on Coruscant. We're not surrounded by lies? The same democracy you lived to serve, filled with the most corrupt in the galaxy. The same ones who claimed to stand for peace, now lead the Sith. Apprentice.. Knight... Master.. It made no difference. One by one, they all fell. But even as they did, they could see what you or I have seen..

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
There was nothing he could say anymore - nothing he could do. Connor had walked a path that had seen him assault and threaten the Jedi he served with, disobey orders from authority, risk his life to save it and face the Sith in order to test his resolve. And now this Master saw it upon herself to put him down again and again.

"You stand here before me going over and over the same thing, just what is it you - "

Her mouth opened again, a flick of hair falling across her sweet little face. Her lips moved gently but the words came out were once more stinging and true - but Connor knew he had more work to do, and he wasn't going to expect it to be easy, but Aika was pushing him, and he didn't like it.

He didn't deserve it. Suddenly, the application of Aika's Force invasion to his mind forced his eyes closed to see her thoughts and vision.

Jedi or Sith, Sith or Jedi - the Apprentice becomes a Knight to become a Master, corrupt and blinded by power who then twists another Apprentice who becomes a Knight who falls to the Dark Side, who takes an Acolyte who becomes a Knight and then a Lord who finds another - it went on and on. A vicious circle spawned from those who served the Force.

Conner and Aika were just etches on the great tapestry that determined which way their destiny went, and how hard they would fall and IF they would get up and keep pushing forward.

Aika wanted...what did Aika want...Connor doesn't know...what does Connor want....Connor doesn't know....


With a defeated gasp, he pulled his head back and severed his connection to Aika as best he could. His right arm shot up and grabbed her wrist, twisting it slightly and pushing her back a step. Connor was in control...he wasn't angry, but exhausted.

"You're really starting to bug me. What do you WANT from me? You have no idea how much I've pulled myself back from the edge - the abyss calling me. God, you literally have no idea. You're all talk."

He pushed her back, discarding her wrist, towards the bunk and looked away, shaking his head and looking to the spherical window.

...in control...

"I swear..."

He couldn't even finish the sentence without saying something he'd probably wish he hadn't.


[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

Aika Kawakami

Can one find true light when shadowed in darkness?
Took a few steps back as she was pushed, her hands falling to her sides as her gaze remained locked on him. It was obvious from the moment she laid eyes on Connor in the med bay that he was in shambles, dismantled pieces. With all that he had been through, it had visibly shaken him to his very core, leaving him to question so many things. As well as leaving him to figure out once more exactly who he was, and his place in the Silver Order.

But for Aika, she saw an opportunity. A chance to place herself even deeper into his psyche. Not that she needed to try at this stage. His mind was in so many pieces, it was as if she could pick and choose where she wanted to start and end. As much as he thought he'd shook himself free of her, the connection remained, despite his knowing.

"Want? What is there to want from someone so broken that they can't see what stands before them? What could one such a me want from someone who has blinded himself to everything around him?" Her tone lowered considerably, almost to that of a whisper. "You are broken..shattered. Yet so self absorbed.. Because of this, you are nothing. And as long as you stay this way, nothing is what you shall remain. For the time being, the offer shall remain. However, know that galaxy continues to move as you wallow in self pity, and there are few accessible to you that have seen what you and I have. And of those accessible, there is one that understand the truth. And that one is not you.."

Her hands slipped backward, fingers lacing at the small of her back as they normally would. With a few seconds on standing there in the silence, she pivoted off her foot, stepping from the room. Her steps halted as she turned her head slightly, just enough to allow her see Connor from the corner of her eyes.The momentary glance lasted only a few seconds before she turned once more, the door sliding shut as she stepped away. The ball was now completely in Connor's court, and his decision to make~

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 
Connor maintained his neutral expression, a slight look of distaste creeping in. His dark eyes narrowed ever so slightly, his chest stopping at every breath for a split-second as he held it to slow down. Nothing he said was worth it; she was there with a reply, slashing like a blade just cutting him gently on the surface – once, twice, three times.

All he could do was to look at her. The annoying thing was, she was right, and it was starting to make Connor feel even more out of place. Sure, it was hours since returning, but he wanted to go already out into Voss and just...

NO!

And there it was – running away. Self-pity. Who the hell was Connor Harrison anymore. Aika turned on her heel, leaving him beside the bunk with the neon blue coating the side of his face as he turned to see her check on him…step outside the door…and was gone.

His fingers worked circles around themselves, eyes slowly slinking from the door, down to the bunk before him. When your eyes fell, psychologists could read your inner thoughts. Connor was looking downwards and to the right which meant he was attending to his internal emotion, and it also meant submission.

With a long sigh, the Knight closed his eyes and turned, sitting on the edge of the soft white bunk. Arms resting on his knees, he blotted out the surroundings for a moment…and the darkness started to bleed in him.

Opening my eyes, the temple was nothing like its former glory. Rubble, smoke and flame spat out around me, standing in the grand lobby and watching the wailing Jedi scrabble, walk and stagger around, clinging to a forgotten Order.

Why did I give so much for an Order that gave me so little?

I was used, and because of that I was left broken. So fool them that I would bring the Silver Jedi down and stop their embarrassing march forward to try and take on the darkness that would never cease. @Iella E’ron was easy – she was the first. Too faithful in a broken spirit. [member="Nima Tann"], [member="Maya Whitelight"], [member="Dagos Terrek"] – flash them a smile, they would come to comfort you – PITY YOU – and then boom. Done. Aika led me to greatness and she needs to be sorted out also before she takes my position as LORD. [member="Coci Sinopi"] was a shame, but she was weak since falling in love with the patronising [member="Thurion Heavenshield"]. Easy to manipulate, to twist – and she hurt me. She betrayed me, and she lied. A shame.

My hands spit flame and my lungs carry forth a cry of rage that builds from having so much potential, but having nowhere to go with it. I am the mighty one, me, but no-one understands why.


A gasp from Connor’s mouth signified the twisted vision was over, and his teeth ground down as his fists clenched. Sprining up from his bunk, he moved forward and thumped his fist against the far wall, leaning his head against it and groaning in anger.

Hands moved up to claw his hair and he tried to silence the doubt inside him, but it wasn’t working. Another two hits – ignoring the dull ache – and with a sharp twist around, Connor moved to his bunk and pulled up the mattress and threw it down across the floor. His boot impacted with the metal slats beneath him, snapping one in half.

Breathing hard, Connor cursed and stumbled back to the far wall and sunk down, just to take the weight off his feet and let it out. Eyes scanned the room, his body was convulsing with pent-up frustration he wanted to release – and he did so with an emittance of wild Force energy that shook the room ever so slightly, knocking some ornaments from the wall.

"What a girl."

His head fell back to the wall and he sat there.


[member="Aika Kawakami"]
 

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