Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
Gren Reaper
I am the Gren Reaper
[member="Braith Achlys"]
I heard the Hutts sell marbles at a low price. You could also try the black market. However in the end, I think missing marbles isn't much of a problem. It's the ones who doubt you that are the issue.
She cool. I'd happily be a victim of her *nods*
I heard the Hutts sell marbles at a low price. You could also try the black market. However in the end, I think missing marbles isn't much of a problem. It's the ones who doubt you that are the issue.
She cool. I'd happily be a victim of her *nods*
Keepin Corellia Weird
[member="Braith Achlys"] - I usually avoid ones where I don't have much positive to say. But all I see on these is positivism or silence. So, with that in mind, I am going to critique this. And it will not be positive. But keep in mind a negative review does not compromise an attack on the character, or the writer (for any potential White Knights, this goes for you too). It's just my perceptions, which... Well... When you put a thread up like this, you are asking for it.
So, for me?
Not a fan, and i'll be honest, it's more OOC than IC as none of my characters have interacted with her except in passing, if that. Particularly because, unless I had to, I didn't like the character premise and had little interest to write with a Sith Spirit or, whatever she was/is, who... Somehow.... No longer Sith... Because a Jedi Grandmaster loved her... And everyone seemed ok with that... Which is its' own issue.
But the premise of this characters story - somehow she's freed from Silara at death or some such and becomes a master level character with zero work towards it (in my eyes), but being awarded the rank due to, apparently, backstory. Just a lot of the story, to me, seems flimsy and contrived, and rife with both conventional/standard mary sue-isms, and Chaos specific ones.
You write her well. That can't be argued. No matter the concept or character I don't think anyone could argue your characters and plots, every last one, as well written. But this particular one I didn't really get into. There was no struggle or development to rise to her rather astounding level of power and ability in the Force. Just backstory you wrote. So for motives? A large amount of it was left, to me, feeling forced. She acted certain ways, and did the things she did, because you chose and wrote it that way. Nothing wrong with that approach, per se.. Or even technically. But it's never been a favorite of mine. And it didn't feel terribly organic.
Now, again.... I haven't followed this character much after the very beginning. I did at first (I tend to enjoy a good read, I think we all do, s'why we are here).. But after a thread or three I distinctly remember loosing interest and draw and going off skimming and word of mouth. So if my conclusions are wrong, my apologies. But, then again, if my conclusions are drawn from circulated public opinion... And you didnt intend to be perceived thus or critiqued thus, hopefully it can help you find the places people are reading you wrong, and correct them.
If I'm wrong, I'd love to read a thread or post or two where you think I am, and maybe get to know the character better. However... I can't help but think thus given what I know. It feels genuinely over-the-top with power and gravitas and self-importance/rank with little to back it up in story, save for backstory and her doing more of those powerful actions as a reason. Very little in character growth in that regard.
Probably not what you were looking for, but there it is all the same.
So, for me?
Not a fan, and i'll be honest, it's more OOC than IC as none of my characters have interacted with her except in passing, if that. Particularly because, unless I had to, I didn't like the character premise and had little interest to write with a Sith Spirit or, whatever she was/is, who... Somehow.... No longer Sith... Because a Jedi Grandmaster loved her... And everyone seemed ok with that... Which is its' own issue.
But the premise of this characters story - somehow she's freed from Silara at death or some such and becomes a master level character with zero work towards it (in my eyes), but being awarded the rank due to, apparently, backstory. Just a lot of the story, to me, seems flimsy and contrived, and rife with both conventional/standard mary sue-isms, and Chaos specific ones.
You write her well. That can't be argued. No matter the concept or character I don't think anyone could argue your characters and plots, every last one, as well written. But this particular one I didn't really get into. There was no struggle or development to rise to her rather astounding level of power and ability in the Force. Just backstory you wrote. So for motives? A large amount of it was left, to me, feeling forced. She acted certain ways, and did the things she did, because you chose and wrote it that way. Nothing wrong with that approach, per se.. Or even technically. But it's never been a favorite of mine. And it didn't feel terribly organic.
Now, again.... I haven't followed this character much after the very beginning. I did at first (I tend to enjoy a good read, I think we all do, s'why we are here).. But after a thread or three I distinctly remember loosing interest and draw and going off skimming and word of mouth. So if my conclusions are wrong, my apologies. But, then again, if my conclusions are drawn from circulated public opinion... And you didnt intend to be perceived thus or critiqued thus, hopefully it can help you find the places people are reading you wrong, and correct them.
If I'm wrong, I'd love to read a thread or post or two where you think I am, and maybe get to know the character better. However... I can't help but think thus given what I know. It feels genuinely over-the-top with power and gravitas and self-importance/rank with little to back it up in story, save for backstory and her doing more of those powerful actions as a reason. Very little in character growth in that regard.
Probably not what you were looking for, but there it is all the same.
W A N D E R
[member="Ijaat Akun"]
I appreciate the feedback.
Braith wasn't a Sith spirit (or a spirit at all), however. The over-the-top monologues in reference to her own ability are actually just her own arrogance, she isn't as all-powerful as she'd like to believe - she was defeated by a simple NFU, for example.
The character's force abilities, while potentially great, aren't the focus of the character. It was supposed to be the friction between herself and Corvus.
I appreciate the feedback.
Braith wasn't a Sith spirit (or a spirit at all), however. The over-the-top monologues in reference to her own ability are actually just her own arrogance, she isn't as all-powerful as she'd like to believe - she was defeated by a simple NFU, for example.
The character's force abilities, while potentially great, aren't the focus of the character. It was supposed to be the friction between herself and Corvus.
Cloudburner
Perfection in human form.
[member="Braith Achlys"]
I haven't seen you a whole lot, for obvious reasons, but I know that you are probably one of the most likely realistic creepiest Sith around. You have a sort of creepy sinister aura about you, even more so than Vader and Palpatine. Palpatine was creepy, yeah, but you are 10x more intimidating.
I think what makes you that way is that you are the sort of Dark, seductive, dishonest look about you.
So to be truthful, you are the female Dracula.
I haven't seen you a whole lot, for obvious reasons, but I know that you are probably one of the most likely realistic creepiest Sith around. You have a sort of creepy sinister aura about you, even more so than Vader and Palpatine. Palpatine was creepy, yeah, but you are 10x more intimidating.
I think what makes you that way is that you are the sort of Dark, seductive, dishonest look about you.
So to be truthful, you are the female Dracula.
W A N D E R
[member="Ijaat Akun"]
I will be working on justifying her master position, as being a transfer she didn't have much exposure beyond the incorporation of her voice in Silara's head. It was a similar method of symbiosis to Vitiate and his various remote thralls, just it required a physical confrontation between Silara and Braith around the time she visited Abeloth's world and met Corvus.
I will be working on justifying her master position, as being a transfer she didn't have much exposure beyond the incorporation of her voice in Silara's head. It was a similar method of symbiosis to Vitiate and his various remote thralls, just it required a physical confrontation between Silara and Braith around the time she visited Abeloth's world and met Corvus.
Shadow Hand
[member="Braith Achlys"]
As sad as it is to lose Corvus as a beloved site member, i believe this is a great opportunity to grow your character personally. In my past I've done a heavy amount of roleplays revolving around character interaction, the personal relationships and the story element tragedy can have. Your a great writer from what I've seen, and I think with your talent you can really play up the torment Braith is going through losing Corvus, coupled with her terminal illness.
As sad as it is to lose Corvus as a beloved site member, i believe this is a great opportunity to grow your character personally. In my past I've done a heavy amount of roleplays revolving around character interaction, the personal relationships and the story element tragedy can have. Your a great writer from what I've seen, and I think with your talent you can really play up the torment Braith is going through losing Corvus, coupled with her terminal illness.
Keepin Corellia Weird
You really needn't bother, to be honest. If you enjoy the character, my opinion and others don't matter. I just responded as I did because you quite literally asked for it by posting this thread is all.Braith Achlys said:
Also, a generally curious question... If she was a transfer, then I am assuming you altered her story to fit the racial submission you took over from another writer and polished up/changed to be approved in the Chaos Codex? Or were the Alunrovaan and things like Pax Insul on the previous site she transferred from or...?
I'm just curious now that you said she was a transfer. And if you have any of her threads from the other site prior to Chaos, i'd be interested to read those to get a feel for 'OG Braith', so to speak. It might help me form a better and more fair critique as well, if content is existing outside of Chaos.
W A N D E R
I actually took the character concept from another character I wrote when I was doing game role-plays and adapted it for the board and the species that I found in the codex (before I had to resubmit it). I wanted the personality without just copy-pasting an old character. The character's rank and such were a transfer of Silara's rank per approval to do so. I had a detailed childhood written out that I had intended to start with before ever actually writing her in the present day, but when work started to pick up as much as it did and I had a writing partner in the form of Corvus, things were skipped over in favor of just writing.Ijaat Akun said:
I more or less gutted an old character and repurposed them to make Braith fit here, with a new name because I have an issue with re-using names.
Unfortunately I used to write on what was basically a chatroom-video game hybrid which was done with character saves and all, meaning that server wipes were a common thing - and general only lasted a few months at best. It was all done in real-time, meaning the character developed from a proper starting age (I always start a few years younger than I am IRL unless starting with flashback rps to the past, so in this case I think she was around 16-17) til the end point of the "wipe" (it was common for them to not last long, and it was entirely dependent on how active story was between players. Inactivity spelled doom). It was a star wars game, though, just set back before the emergence of the Sith Empire in this particular setting. Each time we erased the saves we jumped forwards (or sometimes backwards) in time with a continuous timeline, and at the end of the last timeline I had stuck around for she was sealed in a primitive oubliette.
And it's now three years later that I've returned to the character and altered her for the board. So for me she is just a new twist on an old idea, so I didn't give it thought to start over again - I had the opportunity to just continue there by transferring Silara's rank of Sith Lord by killing her off - and had originally intended for Braith to just be a small hurdle for Silara to return to overcome. Just things didn't happen as originally expected, so I just started going with the flow for her. I think the only few times I actually orchestrated how she did what she did (such as the last stand thread against the Final Order NPCs) was when I was waiting for her actual storyline to start up (basically while I was doing the treasure hunt thread on Pax Insul) and wasn't sure how I wanted to write her here yet.
She was always the more depressed of my characters, the sort of harsh example of reality that humanity will betray itself for greed and power, and for a while that was done away with when I started writing with Corvus after the first thread Braith debuted as her own character (she was the voice in Silara's head the entire time from just after the invasion of Empress Teta until she died, too).
So, basically, the character concept is more or less memory being worked off of than a continued story from elsewhere. Her previous biography was a decent paraphrasing of the last few Rps I had with her before leaving the last community I was with. The "OG" Braith is more prevalent in the thread I'm doing with [member="Kaileann Vera"] on Sabarene out in the unknown regions. I know most of the stuff I do with Braith, or probably any of my characters, looks heavily planned but I just make last minute decisions when I start writing the post - but I am deciding to go back to her original concept, in the natural regression from her various states of mental being she has progressed since her introduction here.
Originally she was exactly like she was when I had finished writing her - arrogant, conceited, vain, and believed herself to be a deity. Meeting Corvus quickly brought her back down to Earth, but instead of her (original) brooding self, she became a bit more happy - it was the first time the character had experienced love. There's a trail of threads following that, which leads up to her discovering her terminal illness, and the realization that even if she had never met Corvus, never stepped away from the archaic and primitive view of the force (which she viewed as a living, unseen, entity), she never had all the power, knowledge, wisdom, or connection to the force to fix herself. She'd lost to a vongformed Chiss during a Republic vs OS invasion, where she had fought on behalf of the Republic, she had hardly done anything of importance or note to a Sith sorcerer on Fresia, and her only real success had been intelligent use of nature and clever applications of alchemy in minor trinkets.
She was looking for an ancient holocron/datacron in a Sith temple out in Sith space (the original Sith space, near Korriban and the like) when Corvus left the board. I originally was going to get rid of the character because just erasing Corvus from her history was not an option, nor was just continuing like nothing happened. Someone else prodded me into keeping her and I figured that the only logical thing that someone so unbalanced as her would do is to lose it. The impending duel on Chazwa between her and [member="Darth Odium"] is the result of that sudden loss of someone close to her, someone who had just been made aware that she was dying (and I had intended to carry out killing the character if Corvus and Braith hadn't found a method to cure her that didn't compromise their relationship), and going ballistic. Wild uses of the force, before, (like the Last Stand thread, again) were really just to satiate my OOC desire to test the waters of alter environment and its acceptability on the board.
Following the duel with Odium, assuming she survives, the thread I linked prior would occur where Braith has intentionally placed herself in exile from civilization to die. If time doesn't get her, the long days of Sarabene would burn her alive. And now her connection to the force is waning with her will to continue living. The thread is going to be chalk-full of flashbacks and such, as it gives me a great opportunity to do so. If the character survives the thread at all, she will emerge as a closer representation of what she was originally.
W A N D E R
Basically - it's complicated, but she is based on a character that was repurposed to fit here. Right now, in the threads I am doing, she resembles the original concept more than what I had started writing her here as.
More emotions, less fighting. She wasn't supposed to be focused on combat, anyways.
More emotions, less fighting. She wasn't supposed to be focused on combat, anyways.
Keepin Corellia Weird
[member="Braith Achlys"] - Ah. I see. I wasn't aware that you could recycle/bequeath ranks of dead characters like that, so that's why I asked about other threads for Braith when you said she was a transfer. Best of luck getting her back to that state of her originality!
Jorus Merrill
is mek bote
[member="Braith Achlys"]
I'd like to see her stick around, primarily because I'm always interested in the point where an alchemist really comes into their own and starts making original, highly ambitious things. Braith's perspective is such that she could bring an interesting slant to that club.
I'd like to see her stick around, primarily because I'm always interested in the point where an alchemist really comes into their own and starts making original, highly ambitious things. Braith's perspective is such that she could bring an interesting slant to that club.
Sounds like she needs a villain in her life.